It's official. I'm homeless now. I went back to try to work things out with my work and I went to unlock the door. She changed the locks. I took a bus back across the city and I'm at my friend's again.

It was a 2 hour or so trip. I made it safely, didn't get mugged or anything. I'm always so scared of carrying my laptop in public. So I guess all of my worldly possessions fit in two bags.

Y'know, I've spent my entire life scraping by. We were always poor and even lived in the garage of some family friends for a while when I was a kid. I've survived so many suicide attempts I've lost count, I've been abused, beaten, had people step my heart into the ground and I still manage to pick myself up.

I told my friend I was thinking of killing myself before this happened, so I wouldn't be a burden to his family.

I don't know how I'm going to get out of this one. I'm so afraid.

I'll set up a Go Fund Me tomorrow if possible. I hate asking for money or help because it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of people, but I don't have much money and until I can get transferred (I'm calling tomorrow at 11am), I might need help to get by.

I wanted this year to be something great... I wanted Anna, I wanted everything I could've ever hoped for. I wanted happiness.

Guess I'll have to settle for a mickey of vodka tonight.