I failed another exam, great! -- Raikuen's Journal -- Fur Affinity [dot] net

I failed another exam, great!

9 years ago General

I'm feeling again like the entire world is turning against me and that people only feel enjoyment in my misery. I did my best as much as i could but I got sick, lost a week of study time and on top of that my crippling anxiety prevented me from even starting to study for the exam in the first place. To me it seems again like everyone has the time of their life and having no problem at all with this class while I sacrifice everything and get nothing in return, it's times like these that make me wonder if I even want to continue with my study in the first place. My study is crucial for me, it's my life and I feel like I never actually lived my life because of that, because all I have is my study and that last thing isn't even going well for me.
The reality of it all is different but the negative performance anxiety I have gives me a bleak outlook on life. I always feel like a exam is a life or death situation, I either succeed or something horrible will happen. I feel like I must succeed everything because that for me is how it looks like everyone is doing.
I don;t want to feel like that anymore. Working together with another student for the longest part of the year now I notice she doesn't seem to worry that much about succeeding or not succeeding, or at least that's how it looks for me. I want to feel like that, to not be scared anymore if I succeed or not. Of course everyone gets a little bit stressed when something important like a exam comes up, but it's not something that should completely take control over me. I really don;t know how to get out of this anxiety hell hole...
Expect some vent art from me for a bit...

7 Comments

Anonymousnonexistent ~anonymousnonexistent

Watcher

9 years ago

Maybe get a counselor to help out, or look around online for this. Maybe ask that other student for help.

Sova_13 ~sova13

Big OWL

9 years ago

i felt like so before too >v<

i's finally finishing a 3 year study... after 7 years, i had depressions, sadness, helplessness hit me and so on, i even gone to psychiatrist and so on >v<;

Raikuen ~raikuen

Traditional Hyper Furry Artist

9 years ago

Going to a psychologist and also a performance anxiety training specialist of the university itself now, sadly there's a lot of waiting lists and the performance anxiety specialist (whatever ya call the person giving that help) is going on vacation now while I'm having this meltdown so that's not nice, they did advice me to try out some app, installed it and will try out soon.
It's really a issue I have to get over more than just a little bit more delay in my study, cause there's only going to be more if this keeps up.

So you've also been through a lot. ye...

Peent ~basket

Peent

9 years ago

Shit, man. I don't even know what to say. I've wanted to say something for a while. Are these any professionals you could see? It's important to talk about these things, yeah, but I think it's equally as important to have someone can help you with what you're saying. I can sympathize and empathize 200%, but I don't have the knowledge to tackle your concerns, you know? I'm going through a whole mess of personal things. And as much as I value my friends who're always there to listen, having educated professionals who recognize my problems and know a whole world of solutions is proving to be very, very helpful.

Sorry if this got a bit too serious, but I'm concerned and I hope you feel better asap :<

Raikuen ~raikuen

Traditional Hyper Furry Artist

9 years ago

I was going to the psychologist of the study for performance anxiety training but the week I got sick was the time I would have the last appointment with him before he went onto vacation, so I won't have any help from him until the end of next month. I guess it's actually the thing I've been going through my entire study life I just never called it performance anxiety or anxiety, I just in general fear everything will fail and that horrible things will happen rather than seeing it as just a slight delay every now and than. Everyone fails exams here and there, I actually do better in general but I'm so afraid that sometimes nothing works out like with this class, I did finish all the lab work and important assignments so all in all I only have to properly prepare for the retakes of the 2 exams. But that's just a short term issue, in the long term i really have to get over this, for real. The one week I got sick messed everything up, haven't gone jogging with one of my student friends because I still wasn't fully recovered from flu but I will do now, will probably calm me down a lot for the time being and for the class that starts tomorrow.
The performance anxiety guy also advised me to try out some app for it so I will try that.

Haven't really calmed down yet, sorry for the long response.

Vector_the_crocodile ~vectorthecrocodile

Fursuiter

9 years ago

Try to work not alone. Do other things than just "study" : try to have other little life goals everyday, step by step. Use a TODO app.

Raikuen ~raikuen

Traditional Hyper Furry Artist

9 years ago

Luckily I do have someone I work with now for the assignments and all, she does the most work which I'm not all to happy about, but she seems fine with it as long as we get things done and we do.
It's still hard for me to have any other thing than the study in my life, it's why i eventually went to EuroFurence, which I will also do this year, still have to register but I think it will work out. It's why i started to try and socialize more now, don;t know any furry people around me so instead I tried to become friends with a few students I know which did work out but haven't seen them for a while, one i go jogging with every 2-4 weeks but i got sick so that didn;t work out than but maybe I will meet up and go jogging again coming week.

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