I
Well
I'm back.
I don't have much to say.
I'm not feeling very well and the doctors said that my survival is based all on me, but I have recently begun to start taking the full meaning of what's been happening and I can't just stay as ecstatic and happy as I used to be. Reality is hitting me hard and I'm just really really depressed with how things really are and I can't keep my happy facade up anymore now that the one responsible for getting my life saving surgery is now gone and I'll never get to see him again
He was my everything and meant the world to me. We weren't in a relationship, he was basically my godfather of sorts who I loved dearly and has kept me safe. It's impossible to think he's gone, for the longest time I didn't believe in my retainers when they told me that he was dead. I'm just now waking up and facing reality. The hell I've been through. The things I had to do to survive. Nothing has been happy cheery, yet with him around, I felt I could do anything because he made me happy, made me feel like I was worth something, and he gave me purpose to living. When my birth parents sold me off, I felt horrible thinking that I was never good enough for my birth family, so I grew up hating my own existence until he taught me how to live life for a reason.
I've lost my will to live, and I know I've met people online and such, thank you all so much for everything. But I don't think I've got much more will to live for my own self after so many years of living for someone who gave my life purpose just to have then go and do what he did to make sure I lived.
I need some time to think and I'll probably binge on sleeping and messaging all my loved ones to help me cope, thank you all so much for accepting me into the furry fandom. I've never felt so appreciated or happy anywhere else but at my godfathers side.