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Severe depression + other issues.
9 years ago
General
please read this journal about my return. Somewhat related to my previous journal, I'd like to make an official statement about my personal life, as this is the major contributor in the reason why I'll be leaving the furry community indefinitely. ( Perhaps some day I will return, but I don't foresee this happening until I can get stable in my personal life. )
I have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety problems for the last few years. And it has affected my art. I've become very inconsistent, in frequency and in style. I haven't felt comfortable in my art style for so long now, and every time I draw, it never looks the same. I can't seem to find a foothold in where I want to be art-wise, and I believe that it has something to do with my personal life.
I am constantly struggling to get by financially, as well as physically and mentally. Most days I wonder why I even bother, and often question what the point of such a meaningless existence is.
For the last few months, we've been barely scraping by for rent, bills and food. And now it's come to a point where I have to pay a large sum a money, and I have no idea how I'll be able to pay it, while still being able to afford to eat.
I have a lot of issues I need taken care of via doctor or therapy, but I can't afford insurance, and I can't seem to get any sort of aid from the government.
On top of this, there is almost constantly drama in this household. We have a disruptive and incredibly rude roommate, and he's still living here. And, we have a new roommate that is living here that is supposed to be taking his place whenever he moves out.
I've also been hoping from job to job, but none of them pay more than minimum wage.
I know that taking commissions while I'm in such a volatile state is irresponsible, but when you're truly desperate just to feed yourself and your animals, you'd do just about anything.
I'm aware that it was a mistake, and the only thing I can do is just move on and try to make good on my promises.
All I want in life is to be stable, and to be able to work on art. I don't want to let people down, I don't want to make them wait. And if you think that I've done this all on purpose, then you're mistaken.
For the time being, I want to focus on my health and trying to get stable in my life. So please understand that I am not leaving to purposefully hurt or harm anyone.