1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Please call this number and just...give them a try. What have you got to lose

^

so I did that and now my mom is coming over to get me out of the house and show me kittens.

The best thing to do. Whatever pain you're feeling now. It will pass. Believe me. It may seem like forever, but you've hardly lived more than a quarter of your life. Not even halfway there yet. Just keep yourself surrounded with friends and family for a while

That sounds like a really good thing, kitten therapy ^^. Also remember that your art helps a lot of people take their minds off their hard realities * hugs *

Suicide doesn't stop the pain, bud. It just passes it to someone else.

Not gunna try to stop ya because i know it wont help ya right now but.
Been there, Tried that, Failed, met my now-husband in RL not long after that, and shits fine now. iunno what your circumstances are so i cant judge, give much advice, ect.
But, just do what you need to do. Somethin might change between now and next month, maybe not.
either way, people will remember you, in your RL, and on your online life. Your work will be there long after your gone. And people will remember.
Hope you can fine happiness, or some end to whats hurting you.

As someone who's struggled with this before, I know pretty much anything said won't be what really helps, so instead I'd say to take a day and just have fun, do things you enjoy that'll keep you distracted/busy enough from thinking about those memories. Just go out, spend time with friends, enjoy yourself from waking up to heading for bed, and see how you feel the next day.

Sometimes that 'next day' makes all the difference.

Tsu, I mean what I'm about to say in the nicest possible way...

Don't be so fucking stupid.

You mention people trying to stop you, but you just seem to be brushing that off. They're gonna feel like failures if you do this, as will anyone else who tries to stop you and fails (not so much me, I understand there's 4 kinds of people in the world and you can only save 1). And yeah, FA's not a great place to open up but there's plenty of people who give a damn here and you should know that! No one expects you to be fun times and rainbows, people make the mistake of thinking I'm a happy person when I'd sooner rip their skulls off. And you think you're the only one with bad memories? Were you're haunted by your life, your mistakes, what other people have done to you? You're not. But to allow the past to ruin your future is ridiculous. Yeah, shit happens, you get hurt and get scars, but you need to get back up and stab life right in it's fucking face. Sadly you can't do that to people who cross you cos it's "murder" but you get the idea...

Your life, as shitty as you think it is, could be worse. You have friends, family, even strangers who love you and wouldn't wanna see you hurt, and you're gonna throw them all away just cos of a couple of bad months?! Shit, if I killed myself every time I had a bad few months, I'd account for 20% of the world's mortality rate. You can't just turn around and say "You know what, yeah, it's my time to die", existance doesn't work like that. You can't set a date and time for your end, you just gotta keep at it till you shuffle off this earth. T.S. Elliot once said "This is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a whimper", well the same applies to death. It's not some glamous end to pain, no instant death, no gentle fade into black. All deaths hurt, all deaths are slow, to say they don't is a lie. And you know the worst part about death? You're trapped, in your last moments, with your thoughts. And who's to say you won't endure all those bad memories as a final thought? Torture yourself as you 'free' yourself, nullifying the point of suicide?

You may be in pain or depressed or god knows anything else, but you know nothing about death. The numbness, the choking black, the endless isolation in a void you can never escape, you assume it's better but it's worse than just enduring life! Nothing will get better by doing this, even if you think it will. So don't be so fucking stupid to assume anything could get better from your death. You owe it to your friends, your family, you're partner, you owe it to me and all the other furries who care, to man up and face your problems. You don't just get to run away. And yeah, I am kinda pissed off while writing this but, you know what? I'm sick and tired of everyone assuming death helps, so I deserve to be angry. I'm tired of all the good people killing themselves, I'm tired of losing people I like, I'm tired of every single fucking thing that results in the good being destroyed on this god-forsaken, rotting rat scrotum of a planet!

You got problems, you talk to us. You feel depressed, you talk to us. You want me to "Dad-up" on you, you do something stupid like this. Don't think for a second I won't Frankenstein your ass if you die, I swear to god, I'll hook you up to a damn sub-station and bring you back just to call you a jackass. And yeah, this is far from me being nice, but clearly you don't respond to nice. Coddling won't get me anywhere, I might as well be blunt with you and show you the flaws in your idea.

So open your damn eyes! You can't escape from your demons in life or in death, you need to kill them or live with them, cos they'll follow you even beyond the veil. So how about you put all that energy of yours into resolving your issues rather than resolving your lifespan? Cos I promise you, death holds no end to your suffering. It just makes you face it alone.

pleae, don't do this to yourself. you have options, please take them for your sake.

Sometimes the best thing in the world can just be someone to talk to. I've been in your position, and I know it's a horrible place, but please believe me when I say that just talking to someone who understands can literally save your life. You're important and a source of inspiration to a lot more people then you know.

The National Suicide prevention Lifeline: 1(800)-273-8255 <-- These are the kind folks that saved my life
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

The Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741 <-- Talk with someone via text message instead of over the phone
http://www.crisistextline.org/

The Trevor Project: 866-488-7386 <-- Dedicated lifeline for members of the LGBTQ+ community
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Someone out there loves you, sometimes you just don't know it yet.

Not a lifeline, but it may help.

http://www.projectsemicolon.org/

http://www.projectsemicolon.org/find-help.html

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug* Please please please dont do anything tsu you are one of my best friends I dont know what I would do if you were gone.

hi there, friend; i don’t think you know me--i’m a friend of a couple people you know who love you and want to help--but first off, i want to say: i’m so sorry for whatever’s been happening that’s pushed you to this point. i highly doubt i can imagine what you’ve been going through, so i won’t pretend i know what to tell you other than that you don’t deserve any of this, and while you’re not selfish or stupid or anything like that for wanting to die, i promise you that things can get better, and the part of you that’s saying your life will be unbearable forever and isn’t worth the suffering you’re going through now is absolutely wrong. you deserve to live, and you deserve to be okay, and you deserve to be happy, and eventually you will be; but that doesn’t make your pain any less real or awful now, or you a bad person for wanting it to go away.

that said, i’d like to extend an invitation to you to the forums at kintsugi.seebs.net; it’s a community for people who have been and are going through some rough, rough shit, and you will find many, many people there to talk to who will understand what you’re feeling and offer their help. i won’t say ‘drop your plans this instant’ (although that certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing), but i do think it’s one of the best, most welcoming online communities for people in bad places who need support and to process what’s happening that i’ve ever seen. you don’t need to tell anyone who you are--the forum is made so you can be as anonymous as you want--and i think you will probably find a lot of help there that you may not be prepared to get elsewhere right now.

(they’re also a really nice, rad bunch of people, and from what i’ve heard so are you, so you should fit right in.)

hugs if wanted, friend; you are real, and you deserve to be okay, and you are deeply, deeply loved, and i hope whether you come to kintsugi or not that you make it through this to the good things waiting for you on the other side. good luck!