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Back. Update and Change of pace.
9 years ago
So I'm back finally. Here's what all has happened in my absence!
Over the past two months my life has been....crazy. Had a huge falling out with my now ex bf here on FA as well as in RL, and it didn't end well because less then a week after our split, I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after I got all the signs of a miscarriage and went to a doctor as soon after. (cause they can't do shit during, I know as I've already lost one child prior to this, though that one was farther along by about a month and a half or two). They confirmed that it was a miscarriage and did an ultrasound to make sure everything passed naturally and it did. They also decided to go ahead and do my yearly exams and such at this time.
A week after my yearly exam, I got a call. My exam was abnormal, showing a lesion and at least one high risk strain of HPV virus. HPV is naturally occurring in most situations, but the high risk combined with the lesion had them concerned enough to call me and tell me that I might have cancer. Apparently it was a pretty badly abnormal test....soooo...here comes a biopsy to find out. (LONG story here about having to change doctors, and misdiagnosis of other things, and a ton of other stuff that I'd rather not get into. Nothing life threatening, but I really dislike being told "you have this, you need this" Then getting copies of medical records and finding out a doctor CANNOT READ what's in black and white. Nearly got prescribed hormone treatment I did not need. Thank god I'm OCD about health stuff.)
It HURT. I figured getting a chunk of your body CUT OUT would hurt, but OMG was it worse then I ever thought. I pushed through it, and went back to work the very next day, even though I shouldn't have. Results came back at the end of the week, and it wasn't bad enough to be considered cancerous, but bad enough that I have to be checked in six months to make sure it hasn't gotten worse. There are really only three outcomes that can happen. 1) My body fights off the virus naturally, my test will be better in six months and I'll be in the clear. 2) It comes back worse, and they have to go in and cut out all the abnormal cells to prevent cancer and give my body a chance to fight it off. 3) It comes back cancerous next time.
The week after all this, someone very special to me came into town (cause the biopsy and stuff was on the week of my birthday Bleh.) and the four days he was here were honestly amazing. I couldn't be much happier with the trip and our time together. He left to return home, and I'll be flying up to see him in July. We are both considering things, and deciding if it would be best for him to move here, or not, and taking things on a day by day basis.
Needless to say this has all made me take a HUGE step back, to reevaluate my life, and how I look at the world. I've always been in the mindset of this little small town girl that will never amount to anything. That would never leave her home town, never get to see the world. I'd never be more then a low class trailer trash redneck. Yet here I am in a big city, 16+ hours from my old home, with a good job, people who care about me, and I have gotten to see more of the world since moving here then I did in my entire life before hand. I've been to CA and seen the ocean, which was always a dream of mine. I got to drive through several states, that I never thought I would visit, and see things I never dreamed of. I got to see Vegas on the way back from CA. And going through this cancer scare made me realize I'm far stronger now then I used to be.
Before leaving home I was a broken mess of a person. I could barely function due to COPD and Depression. When I wasn't so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I would be gasping for breath and unable to enjoy life. Now I get up and ride bikes, go for walks, run around at work like I'm actually the right age instead of feeling like I'm a broken down mess. My life has taken a major change, and this has really taught me to cherish the little things. Even though my ex and I split on insanely bad terms, I can look back at it and still cherish the good times we had together. I'm no longer afraid of everyone judging me and criticizing me. I've always been the girl who is blunt, but who seeks approval. Who was afraid to show weakness for fear people would take advantage of it. Now I'm the woman who can stand up and say proudly "Judge me. I am proud of who I am, and if you don't like me, or accept me, then you do not belong in my life. I do not have to live up to your standards. Only my own."
I am returning to art too, though I will be posting several more abstract and unusual for FA pieces. I've come to love doodling again, and not caring if that line is perfect like I did before all this happened. So I'll be throwing up some messy, abstract, or just plain silly works that I do, as I do them, as well as things like Icons. I'm in the middle of working on four separate icons right now, so I'll still be pushing to improve my skills.
For those of you who read this to the end, I want to just say thank you. There are several of you who have supported me for a very long time, and others who have recently stepped up to give me a shoulder, or support if I wanted or needed it. For that I cannot thank you enough. That support has helped me break out of my shell and realize that people can be cruel, but they can also be kind.
Over the past two months my life has been....crazy. Had a huge falling out with my now ex bf here on FA as well as in RL, and it didn't end well because less then a week after our split, I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after I got all the signs of a miscarriage and went to a doctor as soon after. (cause they can't do shit during, I know as I've already lost one child prior to this, though that one was farther along by about a month and a half or two). They confirmed that it was a miscarriage and did an ultrasound to make sure everything passed naturally and it did. They also decided to go ahead and do my yearly exams and such at this time.
A week after my yearly exam, I got a call. My exam was abnormal, showing a lesion and at least one high risk strain of HPV virus. HPV is naturally occurring in most situations, but the high risk combined with the lesion had them concerned enough to call me and tell me that I might have cancer. Apparently it was a pretty badly abnormal test....soooo...here comes a biopsy to find out. (LONG story here about having to change doctors, and misdiagnosis of other things, and a ton of other stuff that I'd rather not get into. Nothing life threatening, but I really dislike being told "you have this, you need this" Then getting copies of medical records and finding out a doctor CANNOT READ what's in black and white. Nearly got prescribed hormone treatment I did not need. Thank god I'm OCD about health stuff.)
It HURT. I figured getting a chunk of your body CUT OUT would hurt, but OMG was it worse then I ever thought. I pushed through it, and went back to work the very next day, even though I shouldn't have. Results came back at the end of the week, and it wasn't bad enough to be considered cancerous, but bad enough that I have to be checked in six months to make sure it hasn't gotten worse. There are really only three outcomes that can happen. 1) My body fights off the virus naturally, my test will be better in six months and I'll be in the clear. 2) It comes back worse, and they have to go in and cut out all the abnormal cells to prevent cancer and give my body a chance to fight it off. 3) It comes back cancerous next time.
The week after all this, someone very special to me came into town (cause the biopsy and stuff was on the week of my birthday Bleh.) and the four days he was here were honestly amazing. I couldn't be much happier with the trip and our time together. He left to return home, and I'll be flying up to see him in July. We are both considering things, and deciding if it would be best for him to move here, or not, and taking things on a day by day basis.
Needless to say this has all made me take a HUGE step back, to reevaluate my life, and how I look at the world. I've always been in the mindset of this little small town girl that will never amount to anything. That would never leave her home town, never get to see the world. I'd never be more then a low class trailer trash redneck. Yet here I am in a big city, 16+ hours from my old home, with a good job, people who care about me, and I have gotten to see more of the world since moving here then I did in my entire life before hand. I've been to CA and seen the ocean, which was always a dream of mine. I got to drive through several states, that I never thought I would visit, and see things I never dreamed of. I got to see Vegas on the way back from CA. And going through this cancer scare made me realize I'm far stronger now then I used to be.
Before leaving home I was a broken mess of a person. I could barely function due to COPD and Depression. When I wasn't so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I would be gasping for breath and unable to enjoy life. Now I get up and ride bikes, go for walks, run around at work like I'm actually the right age instead of feeling like I'm a broken down mess. My life has taken a major change, and this has really taught me to cherish the little things. Even though my ex and I split on insanely bad terms, I can look back at it and still cherish the good times we had together. I'm no longer afraid of everyone judging me and criticizing me. I've always been the girl who is blunt, but who seeks approval. Who was afraid to show weakness for fear people would take advantage of it. Now I'm the woman who can stand up and say proudly "Judge me. I am proud of who I am, and if you don't like me, or accept me, then you do not belong in my life. I do not have to live up to your standards. Only my own."
I am returning to art too, though I will be posting several more abstract and unusual for FA pieces. I've come to love doodling again, and not caring if that line is perfect like I did before all this happened. So I'll be throwing up some messy, abstract, or just plain silly works that I do, as I do them, as well as things like Icons. I'm in the middle of working on four separate icons right now, so I'll still be pushing to improve my skills.
For those of you who read this to the end, I want to just say thank you. There are several of you who have supported me for a very long time, and others who have recently stepped up to give me a shoulder, or support if I wanted or needed it. For that I cannot thank you enough. That support has helped me break out of my shell and realize that people can be cruel, but they can also be kind.
