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[UPDATE] Feeling... better?
9 years ago
General
Welcome to INCtastics Journal Hello everyone.
Incy here again... I took some time off now thinking about all kinds of things and not thinking as well to get some relaxation. What I can say now is that I'm happy to have at least that part of my pent up rage, anger, sadness and all that out of my system. It maks me quite feel lighter in some way.
I have been thinking about art and I think I have changed my view point on art accordingly. I might have seen it the wrong way.
As I can say now I compare art mostly to Dark Souls. Like Dark Souls art by itself is not fun, it's time consuming and frustrating because you barely make any progress at all. You don't move forward and you just seem to fail fail and fail all over again (like in Dark Souls you die, die and die). So I asked myself why do I enjoy Dark Souls but not drawing if that's the case. And I got the answer. Like in Dark Souls, art is not about having fun in the process of drawing, but seeing the finished result (having the boss defeated and earning those sweet souls) and I basically think that's what it's all about. And so I continued thinking, heck, art is easier then Dark Souls, I remember how often I died in Dark Souls, how I beat Artorias, Manus, Kalameet, Reime the Fume Knight, and every other boss in the games as well. And for the most part, I did it alone. (Except Ornstein and Smaugh and the Nameless King, yeah I know I'm a casual fagget) and I won't admit defeat just like that... I have beaten this, and I will not back down from something like art, even though I may hate other artists for beeing so much better, for recieving better comments or having more favourites or more appreciation, I am no fool to hide this, it led me to write this fucking last journal in the first place. So I will not let myself get defeated by art, I will bite through it, I will bash my head against the wall until I am through it, and not sooner.
The last point where I compare Dark Souls with art is, that you are on your own. I don't want to hear any suggestions now, this is a closed case for me. You are on your own. Nobody will help you, nobody will teach you how to do things, you have to bash your head against the wall yourself... over and over and over again. So I will do that... it's not that I'm too proud, but because I don't consider other artists helpful in that matter. (Apologies for my artist watchers and friends, this is nothing personal, besides, I don't even think artist friends will read this most likely.)
Anyway so that's settled.
The last thing I wanted to say is that I recently started reading the now 4 year old or even older story of a friend of mine with Incendramon and Pikunamon as part of the main character cast. I am lazy and hard to excite for anything, especially reading since I am fucking slow with it (really, I am, there is nobody on earth reading slower then me, back when I had it I read Harry Potter 5 for 12 hours straight, I made 200 pages progress, yes THAT SLOW) but I enjoy the story of him extremely and he told me he will continue it after a long hiatus of it now, and I just can't wait. I'm still very excited for it.
So I hope everything is going right for you, because I sure hope it will be for me when my parents are not fucking ruining everything for me.
Still though, feeling glad inside that you actually consider to get back to the drawing board. Making that imagination flow onto the paper.... or... tablet I guess
And into writing, forgot to mention that my friends story got me back into writing as well, I want to do a similar story that's also a lot of fun
If you're in it because you're enjoying doing it, though - all alone and by yourself, all the same - then you don't need to care about any of these turnarounds for your efforts. Stop trying so hard. Relax, do what you personally feel like and feel comfortable with, refrain from doing it just to upload each piece. Once you've disconnected your recognition-drive from your motivation routines, your artwork will be just that: artwork out of pure interest, out of current feelings, out of curiosity - or simply and frankly, out of boredom. While the latter might not produce the highest of quality, each of them produce pure, uncorrupted art.
Now. You're quick to judge yourself, as any artist I know does, but listen - let's assume you asked me, which you didn't, but let's just assume you did ask me, if a certain artwork is yours or anyone elses - I'd recognize yours in an instant. Because you indeed do have an own, unique style. And, if you were to tell me you ain't getting better, damn, have you come a long way already. Art won't be getting distinctly better from day to day - it's a very slow process. One, which can be accelerated, mind you, by not focusing on the wrong goals when composing art. It'll still be slow, maybe painfully so, but it's not about finally getting good. It's about doing art, your very own interpretation of things, charakters, people, your own view on the world or anything otherworldly, conjured up with pen and paper - or digital brush and white or transparent background. About enjoying what you're doing... remember those times...? Most of the "famous" artists are where they are, because they didn't let themselves be dragged down. Because art is just a thing they enjoyed to do - regardless of anyone watching, or patting their shoulders for it. That's how and why they got good. Like, doodling each day, in school, for example... you've got it in you.
*Doublepost