I've been relying on the generosity of my friends to keep me from living in my van for the past couple months. I've been met with so much kindness and help from them, I cannot thank them enough - and I try to limit the time I stay. I do not want to take advantage of the kindness of those who would help me, so I'm just sort of drifting at the moment, uprooted.

Typical day for me now is call the apartments that are 'first come, first serve' to see if there is an opening.
Once in the morning, once in the evening.
Hear "No, sorry, nothing yet," both times.
Look for backup plans.
Find rentals that take section 8, but have year long waiting lists or worse.
Apply anyway, despite the fact my voucher will have expired by then.
Find rentals that are available, but don't take section 8. Can't afford them.
Do this until I burnout on rejection, then try to keep my composure until the next day.
Repeat for 5 months.

But some days, like today, I'll get a spark of hope.
A while back one of the places I call every day finally had an opening.
A three bedroom that was within my price range.
I was elated, and scrambled to get all my paperwork together, only to be told, essentially:
We can't rent this to you because you're a family of one.
...
Great way to be reminded of that.

Today, since my options are running out, I recalled a couple days ago one of the places I call daily had a unit for rent set aside for the homeless.
They said it was for people without section 8 when I asked about it, so I couldn't use my voucher for it.
I called them today, because I will be homeless if I can't find something by the time my voucher expires.
May as well have some sort of backup plan, right?
I talked to them about the details, and find out that not only would I qualify for this unit, but they also do take the section 8 voucher for it.
It was a three bedroom- BUT, I would qualify for this one!
Actually, no, they rented it out already.
...
I sort of wonder if it's a bad idea to get my hopes up about much of anything.

I've been waiting since February for this to be over with.
For something to work out.
I'm still waiting, and I'm tired.

It's really hard to focus.
I feel socially drained, so I can't really think of much of anything to say to anyone.
I'm trying to distract myself so I don't start to ruminate.
Trying to manage the stress.
Drawing leaves too much brain power for ruminating.
All my sewing and craft stuff is packed up in boxes.
I just write to try and manage my emotions.
Nothing I'd like to post, though.

I won't give up.
I'm desperately clinging to some sort of hope that maybe something will work out.
It's just hard to believe that some days.