I've finally moved out of this shit town. After being in the hospital over and over thanks to multiple mental breakdowns I'm finally on the road to recovery. Moving out to the city is a great start. I have a good combination on my medicine, I'm finally out of denial about being trans. My name is Elijah, male pronouns. Dysphoria hits hard sometimes but I got a hair cut and started hormones so it's helping. I'm gonna try to save up for a binder soon. I've been applying for jobs. Now that my anxiety is at a minimum I finally feel like I'm ready. Nick has been a huge support system.

A few things have changed in our lives. We have made the decision to be polyamorous. Nick has another boyfriend named Simon. He's great. We all get along very well and he's who we're now living with in the city.

I can't rant about this anywhere else because this is the only place Simon doesn't have an account so he can't see this:

I've accidentally let myself fall for Simon. Hard. He's so attractive and funny and intelligent. I love his eyes and his voice and the way he's able to string his words together. He smells nice and has great hair. He's a hair stylist and takes good care of his own hair and cuts mine. He even agreed to help me dye my hair. I really love him and I'm so happy that I found out he really likes me too. But I have to wait for him because he's having issues with his other partner right now and is seriously considering breaking up with him. I really hope that happens because Jasper is so, so bad for him. I want him to be happy. I hate playing waiting games but this is worth it. What keeps me going is the conversations I have with him and his warm, genuine hugs.

Don't get me wrong. I don't love Nick any less. I love him with every fiber of my being. But it is sometimes possible to love someone else at the same time and we both understand that and don't get jealous at all.

I don't know if anyone will read this at all but I needed somewhere to rant where the people I know irl won't find it.

Peace.