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I wish...
9 years ago
Eddie the Wolf's Cool Crew
Ever have times where you are left to your own thoughts? At my work place, I tend to do a lot of thinking, and thinking can be good sometimes. However, I find myself going into very deep thoughts that tend to make me overthink aspects about myself. I know I'm a very flawed individual among many others, and there are many things I'm very thankful about. But there are just certain things I wish I could improve as a person. Could this be about trying to please others? Perhaps... That is one of many things I need to work on, and I really shouldn't worry about what others think. I'm my own person after all, yeah?
Anyway, these are what tend to pop in my head time and again. Be warned that some subjects may come off a bit dark. I wish...
-...I wasn't so self-conscious. I am a very apologetic person for no apparent reason, and I tend to be that way over the smallest of things including stuff that was in no way my fault. Sometimes I think it's just easy that I take the blame. I don't know why... It's just how I have been for awhile.
-...I didn't have intrusive thoughts. I can't say that I suffer from depression. I mean I can get depressed, but part of that may have to do with lack of sleep and stress from life and work. There have just been times where I think of some pretty dark things. I won't say how dark they are, but it's stuff that I could never bring myself to do. I did share something with a very close friend of mine, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to share an example of what I mean. Many of you know that both my grandfathers had passed away two years ago, both six months apart, and witnessing one of them passing away kind of stuck with me. Before I go to bed, I scare myself by thinking what would happen if my life ended right then and there. Where would I go? Who would miss me? What would it feel like? It's scary to think about, and I know better than that. It's just as bad as thinking what would happen if I were shot in the head. If not worse...
-...I could speak up for myself. Being nice is a great feeling, and I like to think I do my best in being considerate to others. There does come a time where I wish I had a strong sense of being perceptive on who might be trying to take advantage of my courtesy. I have to be honest that I can be a pushover and very, very oblivious in my surroundings. Many times I crave to have a backbone so I wouldn't have to put up with people's nonsense and call them out on it. Seriously, that would be a great feeling to stand up for myself and feel like I've done myself right.
There are more, but I may have to call this finished for now. It's rare that I type this and share it with you guys, but it's been something that I've wanted to vent out for quite some time. Just so you all know that I'm all right. These things come and go, and I'm the only one that has to overcome these. I wouldn't want anyone to share some of my dwellings, but I do appreciate any concerns you folks might have.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.
Anyway, these are what tend to pop in my head time and again. Be warned that some subjects may come off a bit dark. I wish...
-...I wasn't so self-conscious. I am a very apologetic person for no apparent reason, and I tend to be that way over the smallest of things including stuff that was in no way my fault. Sometimes I think it's just easy that I take the blame. I don't know why... It's just how I have been for awhile.
-...I didn't have intrusive thoughts. I can't say that I suffer from depression. I mean I can get depressed, but part of that may have to do with lack of sleep and stress from life and work. There have just been times where I think of some pretty dark things. I won't say how dark they are, but it's stuff that I could never bring myself to do. I did share something with a very close friend of mine, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to share an example of what I mean. Many of you know that both my grandfathers had passed away two years ago, both six months apart, and witnessing one of them passing away kind of stuck with me. Before I go to bed, I scare myself by thinking what would happen if my life ended right then and there. Where would I go? Who would miss me? What would it feel like? It's scary to think about, and I know better than that. It's just as bad as thinking what would happen if I were shot in the head. If not worse...
-...I could speak up for myself. Being nice is a great feeling, and I like to think I do my best in being considerate to others. There does come a time where I wish I had a strong sense of being perceptive on who might be trying to take advantage of my courtesy. I have to be honest that I can be a pushover and very, very oblivious in my surroundings. Many times I crave to have a backbone so I wouldn't have to put up with people's nonsense and call them out on it. Seriously, that would be a great feeling to stand up for myself and feel like I've done myself right.
There are more, but I may have to call this finished for now. It's rare that I type this and share it with you guys, but it's been something that I've wanted to vent out for quite some time. Just so you all know that I'm all right. These things come and go, and I'm the only one that has to overcome these. I wouldn't want anyone to share some of my dwellings, but I do appreciate any concerns you folks might have.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.
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you stop that D:
I'll be all right. Stuff like this pops up. :(
But self-improvement is something we can all strive for. So don't worry about sharing that burden.
P.S. I'm not a great motivational speaker. But I mean it in the best way when I say stuff like that.
There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true,
believing your dreams, come what may
But in all seriousness I hope live always improves for you.
Do take care! I hope you get to feeling more optimistic soon, but sometimes it's good to just let the less cheery feelings purge themselves too.
Still, thank you for taking the time to comment and for checking in on me. I appreciate it greatly.
It is a struggle for sure, but perhaps that's part of the journey through life. Once you achieve a milestone in becoming more the person you want to be, it makes it that much better of an accomplishment! So always keep trying to be better and don't worry too much when you stumble. ^^
You are most welcome, it's been a few days so I definitely hope you're feeling a bit better now at least.
That is very true. There's no instruction manual or some tutorial to help you along the way. As silly as that may sound, I'm sure I would have benefited a lot from it. lol
I'd say so. These will come and go, but I know now that I have plenty of people that are there for me if I'm in a rut. :)
It is true that with these traits, people will take advantage of you. Please don't let that get you down. Just make it a point to move those people out of your life. It is not you that has the problem, it is them. If every kind person were to be hateful because of the times their kindness was taken for granted, we would have nothing but a world full of hate.
Keep being kind... just pick and choose who you want to play a role in your life especially the toxic ones. <3
Please keep check on how you are feeling, too. It does sound to me like you are spiraling into a depression. Thinking of death a lot is one of the tell-tell signs. I don't just mean suicide, but worrying about your death and others' deaths. Please reach out for help if you need it. You may just need therapy, you may need medication, you may just need to change up your life a bit.
It's like a saying I read on Facebook a while back that was along the lines of, "Maybe we're not depressed; maybe we're just surrounded by assholes." It's so true! I believe that therapy and medication can help you get through a life that is not so fun living whether it be family issues, job issues, past issues, etc... but usually depression is caused from your environment, lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, and not having me-time.
Please try to keep all of these things in check. I love you so much as a friend, and I want the best for you. <3 Write stuff down to yourself, to someone else, to me! Anything to get those thoughts out of your head and somewhere else. I know that when I have had intrusive thoughts, if I speak them out loud to someone, or I write it down to someone, it sounds so silly!
You are one of my best friends, and you mean so much to me!
I should try my best to keep in touch with others in case there is something that's really bothering me. The last thing I want to do is just fall off the face of the earth and not say a word. Lack of sleep could be why I tend to feel down sometimes, and that's never a fun feeling...
I love you so much as well. *hugs* Thank you for taking the time to comment.
And I totally agree with CatInYourCloset. Maybe we're not depressed; maybe we're just surrounded by assholes. XD
Hahaha! That may just be the case.