ahahahaAHaha I don't want to be alive right now

I don't even know W H Y

I was doing alright and right now I just feel listless and crap again like I'm not even ON my medication

I hate my doctors, I hate being me, I hate knowing that no matter how much I do to my body to make myself look the way I want I won't be able to get bottom surgery done ever without it looking like a mangled sausage and that really fucks me over like

I have to find a new place to live soon and I don't even know how to go about that, I've forgotten how to be confident and do shit like a NORMAL person I'm just a fucking waste of space who hates his own body and claws at it daily as if it'd fucking help and it WO N T

My face is so remarkably round and feminine that I'm constantly misgendered no matter how hard I try to bind, have male haircuts, walk in a male way

FUCK

I just hate being me, I want to change, I want to look like the guy I am and not some 'butch lesbian' as people think I look like, even the fucking hairdresser thinks I'm a butch lesbian

Nothing against lesbians or anything, it's just not me

I'm a guy

I'm a guy with such a shitty mental state right now

And I wish someone could help