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Deeds,
16 years ago
General
good or otherwise.
The changes in effect have been discernable.
The stairwell is clean, as is the room I sleep in, and half of the common room of the apartment. I've engaged a new set of regimented eating, exercise, and hygeine habits. My tail and wings still bother me and feel like they're there... even though they're not.
My senses are dull, as if through foggy plate-glass. I can't smell or hear or taste the emotions around me anymore, and I know that I will never be one with the wind ever again; this world just doesn't work that way.
This is a horrible, horrible world to live in, and I am ... so worried for all of you--no--all of US, as I am stuck here now, too, that we lead such a destructive existence in such a polluted, cruel, sickening world; emotionally, spiritually, and environmentally. Matthias used to talk to me at length about the problems of his world, and his history... I always thought he was just whining. ... Though he was definitely whining, it wasn't JUST whining after all. The problems are real. The air smells ... wounded. Wal Marts. They burn inside, like acid. Mildly--in the back of your mind, just beneath your physical senses so you can't quite be sure, or might even be able to ignore it. But there it is.
I feel a further obligation of honor in this world. it hurts. it's bleeding. I can't heal it. No one can... but my nature, nevertheless, is to try! I cannot throw up my paws and join the orgy of destruction. It's just too much! Enough!
The other day I had an opportunity. A stranger came to the door of the apartment asking to use a phone. His friends had abandoned him in the cul de sac of this apartment complex--one of them got arrested for physically assaulting the other; the other decided to go to the hospital. This fellow was talking to a friend on the cell phone that was registered to this body when I arrived, and it sounded as though the conversation was going... poorly. I interrupted him.
"...Where do you need to be?"
"Huh? Oh. It's up near that sheetz station on peter's creek..."
"Please wait here. I'll get my keys and give you a ride."
Five minutes later (after he got his things) we were driving.
There aren't many people who would drive a perfect stranger halfway across town just because they SAID it was important to them... but that's just what's wrong with this world, or at least one of the very big problems. I am glad I did it, though I am wondering what BAD karma I have absorbed from him by taking this responsibility upon myself.
You know. No good deed goes unpunished and all that.
Go around helping people, and you'll help someone who shouldn't be helped, someone who is getting what they deserve, and by helping them, you accept part of that blame. I don't know what I'll have to work through as the penance for this. Maybe nothing bad happened to him. Maybe he was in a harsh situation as a result of willingly taking a hit for another, and all of my absolution was spent wasting some valuable cleaning time on transporting this fellow across town.
I don't regert it though.
Consider doing something good today. You may need it later.
The changes in effect have been discernable.
The stairwell is clean, as is the room I sleep in, and half of the common room of the apartment. I've engaged a new set of regimented eating, exercise, and hygeine habits. My tail and wings still bother me and feel like they're there... even though they're not.
My senses are dull, as if through foggy plate-glass. I can't smell or hear or taste the emotions around me anymore, and I know that I will never be one with the wind ever again; this world just doesn't work that way.
This is a horrible, horrible world to live in, and I am ... so worried for all of you--no--all of US, as I am stuck here now, too, that we lead such a destructive existence in such a polluted, cruel, sickening world; emotionally, spiritually, and environmentally. Matthias used to talk to me at length about the problems of his world, and his history... I always thought he was just whining. ... Though he was definitely whining, it wasn't JUST whining after all. The problems are real. The air smells ... wounded. Wal Marts. They burn inside, like acid. Mildly--in the back of your mind, just beneath your physical senses so you can't quite be sure, or might even be able to ignore it. But there it is.
I feel a further obligation of honor in this world. it hurts. it's bleeding. I can't heal it. No one can... but my nature, nevertheless, is to try! I cannot throw up my paws and join the orgy of destruction. It's just too much! Enough!
The other day I had an opportunity. A stranger came to the door of the apartment asking to use a phone. His friends had abandoned him in the cul de sac of this apartment complex--one of them got arrested for physically assaulting the other; the other decided to go to the hospital. This fellow was talking to a friend on the cell phone that was registered to this body when I arrived, and it sounded as though the conversation was going... poorly. I interrupted him.
"...Where do you need to be?"
"Huh? Oh. It's up near that sheetz station on peter's creek..."
"Please wait here. I'll get my keys and give you a ride."
Five minutes later (after he got his things) we were driving.
There aren't many people who would drive a perfect stranger halfway across town just because they SAID it was important to them... but that's just what's wrong with this world, or at least one of the very big problems. I am glad I did it, though I am wondering what BAD karma I have absorbed from him by taking this responsibility upon myself.
You know. No good deed goes unpunished and all that.
Go around helping people, and you'll help someone who shouldn't be helped, someone who is getting what they deserve, and by helping them, you accept part of that blame. I don't know what I'll have to work through as the penance for this. Maybe nothing bad happened to him. Maybe he was in a harsh situation as a result of willingly taking a hit for another, and all of my absolution was spent wasting some valuable cleaning time on transporting this fellow across town.
I don't regert it though.
Consider doing something good today. You may need it later.
