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A decision.
9 years ago
General
Body full of fluff, head full of stuff.
This has been coming for a little while now. Over a week ago I announced that I was taking a mental health break. Since then, my situation has become even more dire and I've had my moments that I'm not proud of. To put as vaguely as I can, I'm struggling to get Employment Insurance. I've brought it up before in journals, but there is currently something standing in my way. See, most people get this sorted out in a day, get financial aid within a week. I'm not so lucky, and I am fighting against something I have very little control in. It's left me frustrated, I go without food for 4-5 days at a time and the clock is ticking. I am not in the mental headspace to deal with a lot of things and I'm finding the act of surviving difficult.
However, it has come very obvious from my actions and words towards numerous people I consider friends, that I am pushing myself far too hard. 4 years ago I broke myself completely, both mentally and physically for someone I loved. It has left me with a trauma induced stress disorder. I tend to push myself too far and in the end, I suffer for it.
It is time that, with great reluctance, I make a decision. I'm playing a game much bigger than myself, but at the same time, I need to understand that I'm only human, and humans evolved to be able to tackle different obstacles. We are not a species that is good at bashing our heads against the wall. There's a reason we find repetitive tasks boring.
I want to make one thing very clear. I appreciate all of you. I've met people here that have treated me with kindness I haven't known in a long time. I'm glad all of you have stuck with me through this horrible year of mine. I have made the decision to not let 2016 push me around anymore. Today's events have only rekindled an old flame inside me. One many might see as bad, but I'm welcoming it with open arms. The anger to keep myself going. I grew up having every dream crushed, but it only fed my desire to keep moving forward, because I refused to give up.
I'm returning to FA. Although not fully. I'm not letting my emotions get to my head. I still have far, far more important things than art right now, however, in my free time, I will be drawing again. I live with survivor's guilt, and it's time I damn well act like a survivor. I've pushed through my life until now and I can and will continue to do so. I'm angry and fed up. But in a good way.
However, it has come very obvious from my actions and words towards numerous people I consider friends, that I am pushing myself far too hard. 4 years ago I broke myself completely, both mentally and physically for someone I loved. It has left me with a trauma induced stress disorder. I tend to push myself too far and in the end, I suffer for it.
It is time that, with great reluctance, I make a decision. I'm playing a game much bigger than myself, but at the same time, I need to understand that I'm only human, and humans evolved to be able to tackle different obstacles. We are not a species that is good at bashing our heads against the wall. There's a reason we find repetitive tasks boring.
I want to make one thing very clear. I appreciate all of you. I've met people here that have treated me with kindness I haven't known in a long time. I'm glad all of you have stuck with me through this horrible year of mine. I have made the decision to not let 2016 push me around anymore. Today's events have only rekindled an old flame inside me. One many might see as bad, but I'm welcoming it with open arms. The anger to keep myself going. I grew up having every dream crushed, but it only fed my desire to keep moving forward, because I refused to give up.
I'm returning to FA. Although not fully. I'm not letting my emotions get to my head. I still have far, far more important things than art right now, however, in my free time, I will be drawing again. I live with survivor's guilt, and it's time I damn well act like a survivor. I've pushed through my life until now and I can and will continue to do so. I'm angry and fed up. But in a good way.
PsychFlood
~crazypsycho2595
Tell it Snow! Keep that fite burning! Let it engulf the earth!Leave a mark saying " I made a difference one way or another"*Big ol hug* when things push you, push back with fangs n claws beared and ready to strike.We are all survivors one way or another in this planet dirt i mean earth...no dirt.With all the terrorism,hatred and what happen in orlando.Not gay because most of my female friends r bi or les i find it cute.Hmmm...well either way *big ol hug* see you around!
