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A Very Personal Update- I'm Sorry for this Unexpected Hiatus
9 years ago
Hey guys. I just wanted to post a very personal update to kinda let people know where I am at.
This past month for me has been almost overwhelming. I can't really beat around the bush anymore with vague updates so this journal is going to have a lot of raw personal information. I feel like it is for the best I come out publicly with everything that is going on.
NOTE: I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS. This journal is for an update on why commissions have been on a halt for a bit. Please do not send me personal notes asking about specific details because I am not really ready to talk to people about it.
Over the past month I have had two friends commit suicide (one on the 11th, the other on the 16th). As someone with depression, this is affecting me very hard. Both were amazing people with lovingly family and kids. It has been a shock on both occasions. It has also left me in a very unstable mood for a decent period of time due to grieving. I have never dealt with a suicide before, and dealing with two in a short amount of time has been really rough on me.
I just want to say that if you feel depressed, or have thoughts of suicide, please talk to someone. I can guarantee there will be someone who misses you when you are gone. Things may seem hopeless, I personally know how much it hurts, but please trust in a loved one, or even a hotline if you really think that it is your time.
This is much more minor, but another thing that has affected my work is I am desperately trying to go back to school. Unfortunately there is only one school in the entire DFW area that has the certifications I need for my desired job field. To get into the program I need to have one more basic course under my belt which is going to be about $550 if I take it online. Financial aid will not cover me because I will not be a full time student until April (assuming I can get this class taken this fall.)
I do not like gofundme's because I am kinda a proud person and don't like asking for money. However, I am still taking drawing commissions to try and help cover costs for not only the fees for applications, transcripts transfers, and fees but also the $550 so I can take this class I need to get into my program. Suit making is barely enough to cover my monthly bills with a little left over for food and small amount for savings which is drained after my small hiatus to get situated into my new place and paying for deposits, fees, and other etcs.
foxderps is the account for my drawings if you are interested.
As far as when I am opening up again, right now I am almost on a semi-permanent closure. I will probably be looking into a September opening for a completion next year, but from here on out, my commission slots will be extremely limited. I plan to continue working with suits while I am going to school in April, but there will be no deadline guarantees. I will always be open for quotes just in case, but it might take me a little bit to respond.
Thank you so much for your time reading this. I love you guys. I am so sorry for being so quiet recently, and promise more updates soon.
This past month for me has been almost overwhelming. I can't really beat around the bush anymore with vague updates so this journal is going to have a lot of raw personal information. I feel like it is for the best I come out publicly with everything that is going on.
NOTE: I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS. This journal is for an update on why commissions have been on a halt for a bit. Please do not send me personal notes asking about specific details because I am not really ready to talk to people about it.
Over the past month I have had two friends commit suicide (one on the 11th, the other on the 16th). As someone with depression, this is affecting me very hard. Both were amazing people with lovingly family and kids. It has been a shock on both occasions. It has also left me in a very unstable mood for a decent period of time due to grieving. I have never dealt with a suicide before, and dealing with two in a short amount of time has been really rough on me.
I just want to say that if you feel depressed, or have thoughts of suicide, please talk to someone. I can guarantee there will be someone who misses you when you are gone. Things may seem hopeless, I personally know how much it hurts, but please trust in a loved one, or even a hotline if you really think that it is your time.
This is much more minor, but another thing that has affected my work is I am desperately trying to go back to school. Unfortunately there is only one school in the entire DFW area that has the certifications I need for my desired job field. To get into the program I need to have one more basic course under my belt which is going to be about $550 if I take it online. Financial aid will not cover me because I will not be a full time student until April (assuming I can get this class taken this fall.)
I do not like gofundme's because I am kinda a proud person and don't like asking for money. However, I am still taking drawing commissions to try and help cover costs for not only the fees for applications, transcripts transfers, and fees but also the $550 so I can take this class I need to get into my program. Suit making is barely enough to cover my monthly bills with a little left over for food and small amount for savings which is drained after my small hiatus to get situated into my new place and paying for deposits, fees, and other etcs.
foxderps is the account for my drawings if you are interested.As far as when I am opening up again, right now I am almost on a semi-permanent closure. I will probably be looking into a September opening for a completion next year, but from here on out, my commission slots will be extremely limited. I plan to continue working with suits while I am going to school in April, but there will be no deadline guarantees. I will always be open for quotes just in case, but it might take me a little bit to respond.
Thank you so much for your time reading this. I love you guys. I am so sorry for being so quiet recently, and promise more updates soon.
Good luck with getting into college. and I hope you feel better soon.
Honestly, I think your pride can take a backseat for now. If you need help and if you feel too stressed to work efficiently, let those that care for you help you. Try to take a breather if you can.
I will have to say in my experience that hotlines do not work. Last month was the largest crash for me yet I still had the power to call 5 or more hotlines, and none of them worked for me.
They did not stay patient with me. One told me to call back when I could talk, and another just hung up. Hotlines do not actually help, if anything, an IM service would be nice. The Trevor Project has one, but it's just a bot that takes an eternity to reply and doesn't give any type of emotional support. The only reason I didn't off myself that day was because I passed out from exhaustion.
Sorry to have to bring up my own personal vendetta against hotlines, but I didn't want them to drag anyone else down.
When I was at a time like this, I found one person who really helped me out. He talked me down off that ledge multiple times. He to be honest is the only reason I'm here writing this message.
If you ever need someone to talk to or anything, know I, along with many others, are here for you. You can make it through this.
Stay strong, I wish you all the best.
Wishing you all the best, my friend! :)