Trust.... hmmm that is something that is preached about in this lifestyle right? The need to trust people would be crucial to a successful kink lifestyle. ... Then why is it that those who say that they care and support me lead me down a path that is made of smoke and mirrors? Acting one way to me and going behind me and speaking another way to another is misguiding and down right rude. I was told today by someone who was once a close respected friend, that the reason changed in our local community was because of the way I acted.

As humans during our first year of life we are supposed to learn how to trust other people for the basics, but what are we supposed to do as we get older and the hurt increases and the pain won't subside?

What about when our learned balance of trust versus mistrust goes away?

What about when we lose ourselves and we are not children anymore?

I remember when we made the group that everyone left. We agreed a fresh, clean slate, for everyone and especially for those who shall not be named. Remember that? I do... So why is it that after 6 months suspension and an additional 2-3 years our of the lifestyle around you, that the time comes for someone to come back and want to be social, and you suddenly start sticking knives in friends and families back? (not directed at anyone unless you feel guilty then speak your peace) I was thrown out of the lifestyle, and talked shit about and no one that cared for me bothered to say anything to my defense, but suddenly have bad things to say... hmm interesting get where my smoke and mirrors statement is coming in now?

Suddenly I realized.. the only people I can trust are a select group of friends...

Everyone showed their true colors, and I am being the better person. I chose to ask for forgiveness and allow time for wounds to heal... yet i'm still under attack?

that being said. I wish everyone the best of luck. I wish you all strong endeavors in your group of liars and unsafe practices... just remember the lesser of two evils you think you took was the same evil that was destined to destroy everything before.

Best Fucking Wishes.

Ezriana Anmut