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I feel so down right now.
9 years ago
I've been feeling lots of ups and downs lately. I usually don't make my feelings known on this website. I'm not really sure why I'm putting this out just now. I feel so lonely. I don't know why. I haven't had a bad day. Nothing has gone wrong. It's been a good day, and a sociable one. Yesterday I felt so good as well. I found rare solace from chronic pain last night and I felt so elated. A mixture of enthusiasm and relaxation. A feeling that I didn't have to "do" anything.
I could spend hours listing the things that are going well in my life. I really am making progress. Spinning every plate. But sometimes it all feels pointless. No one's life is perfect, but I don't see why I'm forced to feel so negative. It's not boredom. It's not tedium. It's not angst. It's not languor. I don't have a word for it. I'm not even in pain right now. The vast amount of variables that could change the way I feel haven't changed, but something is off.
How do you stop yourself from feeling bad when you're thinking good? I just need to fill the void with something. I don't know if that something is this spilling of my thoughts and feelings or if it's this creative pursuit I have going on just now. Maybe most of my creative drive comes from my fear of the void? Maybe it's a form of escapism.
I wish to cry.
I could spend hours listing the things that are going well in my life. I really am making progress. Spinning every plate. But sometimes it all feels pointless. No one's life is perfect, but I don't see why I'm forced to feel so negative. It's not boredom. It's not tedium. It's not angst. It's not languor. I don't have a word for it. I'm not even in pain right now. The vast amount of variables that could change the way I feel haven't changed, but something is off.
How do you stop yourself from feeling bad when you're thinking good? I just need to fill the void with something. I don't know if that something is this spilling of my thoughts and feelings or if it's this creative pursuit I have going on just now. Maybe most of my creative drive comes from my fear of the void? Maybe it's a form of escapism.
I wish to cry.
Give this a read through:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.c.....-part-two.html
If you find yourself starting to empathise, i would considering seeing a doctor soon, as it's a chemical imbalance in the brain which can lead down a rabbit hole that doesn't really end.. of course you should continue to think positively, even if you're feeling a little.. well.. nothing. It wont do you any harm at any rate.
Make sure you talk to someone when you're feeling something, just express it to someone who's willing to lend an ear, you might find you tug on a thread that runs deeper than you think.
Take care!
I hate to think that i recommend you talk to someone without having someone to talk to!