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Is this a artblock? Feeling extremely lonely
9 years ago
General
I've mainly been practicing so not anything I will upload, but I haven't even been able to do that lately. I have vacation now so It's not like I have no time for it. I start to realize why though, my entire life I've been trying to work harder hoping things will always end up better.
The reality is that there's always things that will go wrong no matter how much effort you put into it.
This is just the normal work stress everyone has to deal with I'm no different in that regard. My problem is I have no way to get rid of this stress.
I have no other thing to think about because I do nothing else besides it.
Perhaps I also do my best because I'm trying to earn people's thrust that way, to show that I'm worth something.
But that's not how things work I've realized. No matter how well I do with my study, no matter how well I end up drawing, I won't 'earn' my friends with hard work.
Looking at that it feels to me like everything I do is pointless.
I keep thinking about that more and more lately.
Sure I have greater goals but I gain nothing in between, it's a all or nothing which starts to fall more onto nothing now.
I don't see a point in a lonely life like this for me. I've become extremely desperate in the look for finding people I could be with, doesn't even have to be really close friends.
Just something to break out of this negative spiral.
I did find a Dutch furry group on Telegram and on facebook. I find that I might be a bit to impatient with trying to meet others. Just as I'm impatient with improving with art. I simply don't know where to start.
The reality is that there's always things that will go wrong no matter how much effort you put into it.
This is just the normal work stress everyone has to deal with I'm no different in that regard. My problem is I have no way to get rid of this stress.
I have no other thing to think about because I do nothing else besides it.
Perhaps I also do my best because I'm trying to earn people's thrust that way, to show that I'm worth something.
But that's not how things work I've realized. No matter how well I do with my study, no matter how well I end up drawing, I won't 'earn' my friends with hard work.
Looking at that it feels to me like everything I do is pointless.
I keep thinking about that more and more lately.
Sure I have greater goals but I gain nothing in between, it's a all or nothing which starts to fall more onto nothing now.
I don't see a point in a lonely life like this for me. I've become extremely desperate in the look for finding people I could be with, doesn't even have to be really close friends.
Just something to break out of this negative spiral.
I did find a Dutch furry group on Telegram and on facebook. I find that I might be a bit to impatient with trying to meet others. Just as I'm impatient with improving with art. I simply don't know where to start.
To find friends it's kind of a fluent thing to be able to do, you can't force it much, also what kind of relationship are you hoping for? If you're expecting to have a nice sensation you had with other friends in the past that might be the first block in your way to make friends. Relationships end and that's fine, you're more mature and relationships are different, don't let your expectations ruin a nice but different relationship with others, it doesn't has to be as you have it in mind.
Why is being lonely a big thing to you? Is it really being lonely, or feeling good (with others)? Maybe you just need the way to make yourself feel better, maybe you're not as lonely as you think you are. If you're "failing" to get new friends maybe you don't need friends for now. It could be an unfair exigency you're having towards yourself thus putting you in an endless hole.
Of what I've studied I've seen that art block has to do a lot with stress or anxiety, mood levels and laziness. You currently need to do something more important for your life and resume after, feel better, or set your mind straight to what you want to do.
About things going "better" for "working hard"... is your work completely related to what you wanted to go better? Because if you do a good effort in your work your work will be good, it's what you could bring yourself to do, that's it, but if you're expecting it to change the behavior or outcomes in something else, it's just a no, even it it was "promised". To change the outcome or behavior of something else it's another whole complicated area to invest, and it will only change if everything in the process is willing and is able to change, it's much more complicated than just work. To be fair you're not being very specific to that's the most I can tell you from what I see.
I don't know everything about your current situation but these things I'm saying are for you to take into consideration and to analyze yourself, they're not orders or absolute truths, just an exercise of mind.