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Dear diary...
9 years ago
Hey Journal, long time no see!
I'm writing to you because there's something burning on my soul right now. There is no need for others to read it. I just want it to get out of my head.
I'm currently on vacation in Iceland (or do you say "on"?) with a wonderful bat girl who used to be my girl friend for over seven years. Yeah, we had to split up a few weeks ago, when I noticed that i never loved her the way she way she deserved it. To me she was always a very close, intimate and special friend that I still love like you love a sibling. She'll move out in September, and yet we decided to go on our long ago panned trip around Iceland, mainly because we both wanted to go there and we still get along with each other. (And cancelling would have been very expensive.)
The thing is, at the end of last year I realised I fell in love with a guy. Deeply in love. And I went through a long and hard struggle with myself because I wasn't yet ready to accept that. I mean, I was in a long term relation ship with a girl after all. And we wanted to marry. The last thing I could need was someone who gave me that tingling in my stomach that I haven't felt for over a decade...
Now he's at Eurofurence and pretty busy there. And judging from what I've seen of his previous fur meets probably doing something that will definitely make me jealous. And I'm here in the passenger seat of our rented car looking at the endless barren landscapes around me and feel lonely. All I would like is a beacon from him from time to time. Some sort of "Hey, love, I'm thinking of you". But he's not the person for this kind of emotional stuff. And I have a hard time to get used to that... Because it intensifies my jealousy... And I miss him so much right now, my heart is crying.
I need to focus on my vacation now. Try to enjoy it as much as possible. And then help my ex GF the best I can while moving out so I can start a new capter in my life that I don't know where it will bring me... Hopefully I can gather new inspiration for my music WIPs that are currently lying on my hard drive.
I'm writing to you because there's something burning on my soul right now. There is no need for others to read it. I just want it to get out of my head.
I'm currently on vacation in Iceland (or do you say "on"?) with a wonderful bat girl who used to be my girl friend for over seven years. Yeah, we had to split up a few weeks ago, when I noticed that i never loved her the way she way she deserved it. To me she was always a very close, intimate and special friend that I still love like you love a sibling. She'll move out in September, and yet we decided to go on our long ago panned trip around Iceland, mainly because we both wanted to go there and we still get along with each other. (And cancelling would have been very expensive.)
The thing is, at the end of last year I realised I fell in love with a guy. Deeply in love. And I went through a long and hard struggle with myself because I wasn't yet ready to accept that. I mean, I was in a long term relation ship with a girl after all. And we wanted to marry. The last thing I could need was someone who gave me that tingling in my stomach that I haven't felt for over a decade...
Now he's at Eurofurence and pretty busy there. And judging from what I've seen of his previous fur meets probably doing something that will definitely make me jealous. And I'm here in the passenger seat of our rented car looking at the endless barren landscapes around me and feel lonely. All I would like is a beacon from him from time to time. Some sort of "Hey, love, I'm thinking of you". But he's not the person for this kind of emotional stuff. And I have a hard time to get used to that... Because it intensifies my jealousy... And I miss him so much right now, my heart is crying.
I need to focus on my vacation now. Try to enjoy it as much as possible. And then help my ex GF the best I can while moving out so I can start a new capter in my life that I don't know where it will bring me... Hopefully I can gather new inspiration for my music WIPs that are currently lying on my hard drive.
I hope you manage to deal with this with a little trouble as possible :) and enjoy Iceland - I've heard it's beautiful!
Oh, I truly hope you're better at finishing tracks in situations like this than I am (it takes months or even years for me). You got some skills, that's for sure!