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Trivia: A Discussion on the Alien Flagship
16 years ago
“So, what report have you brought me, minion?”
“We have studied the Earthlings in great detail, Your Absoluteness, and we are ready to present our findings.”
“Ah, at last. And have you discovered a means whereby we can crush their resistance even as our ships fill their skies?”
“Yes, Your Absoluteness. We have discovered that there are two fluids without which their civilizations will grind to a halt and be helpless before us. Occlude all trade in these fluids, and victory is sure to follow.”
“And what are these vital fluids, minion?”
“Petroleum and coffee, Your Absoluteness.”
“We have studied the Earthlings in great detail, Your Absoluteness, and we are ready to present our findings.”
“Ah, at last. And have you discovered a means whereby we can crush their resistance even as our ships fill their skies?”
“Yes, Your Absoluteness. We have discovered that there are two fluids without which their civilizations will grind to a halt and be helpless before us. Occlude all trade in these fluids, and victory is sure to follow.”
“And what are these vital fluids, minion?”
“Petroleum and coffee, Your Absoluteness.”
Yaar!
Slowly reclining back in his chair and looking around the room at the other Cabinet members the grizzled old general closes his eyes for moment and then begins speaking slowly. " Mr. President I regret to inform you that Columbia is a lost cause." A quick flurry of exclamations from the other cabinet members is halted by the President's call for order at the table. General Hawk takes another breath and continues. "Also we've sustained serious losses in Indonesia. Certain other regions of South America and Africa are holding off the enemies attacks, but we've already dropped below sustainable levels for world coffee supplies!"
A look of horror slowly spreads on the faces of the other Cabinet members; several of them quickly look down at the cups in their hands and wonder if they have drank their last cup of the essential black bean. "Um, what about including Chicory to make up the difference in available coffee? The Secretary of Agriculture timidly states."We could allocate more land to increase...." His sentence is cut off by the Presidents fist crashing down on the walnut table. "Phillip!" Growls the President at the Secretary of Agriculture. "You know what kind long term effects that will have on population if start including that crap into the general populations cup of Joe! You remember the report the Surgeon General gave us? Do you need to see the videos from the Nevada test site again?" Phillip shakes his head quickly! He never wanted to see those images again! Every night he prayed that the sacrifices of those men and women at the test site would come to some good so that the demons in his own mind would be appeased.
The President and cabinet are silent for several seconds, finally the President speaks. "Gentlemen, we have to accept that we will sustain further losses of coffee crops in the near future and that with in a few weeks our emergency reserves will be depleted." He stops and takes a moment to look out over the White House lawn before continuing. "We have no choice." "We must implement Dr. Von Twittle's Synthobean program!" The President looks back at General Hawk. "Bring him back from Antarctica immediately General! Meeitng adjourned."