So with the funeral, a friend killing themselves, that friend trying to get me to kill myself with them, my hour cut, difficulties finding a second or new job and my depression and anxiety pummeling me into mush.

My hours have been cut a second time.. this time it puts me at -$150 a month, after i pay my rent but before i get food or treat myself to something. Apparently My employer is trying to get me to quit, they are legally entitled to cut part time employees hours down to a pathetic number, so there's not much i can do..

I brought it up before that i was done with commissions, its not really like i could rely on them for even a fraction of my monthly income on a regular basis. nor where my YCH and Auctions really selling, I gave the sketch from my last one away to another artist when it didn't sell. I considered several things to try and make the rent.. but its looking like this raccoon might fit the stereotype of garbage filth and have to live in a cardboard box and eat discarded shoes to get by v-v I don't want charity.. i feel so guilty when others help without expectation of something in return.. nor am I eligible for Government assistance do to several mishaps with the paperwork a 4 years ago..

I don't know what to do.. I feel despair and hopelessness welling up around me like a cage of knives, every muscle in my body feels like its going to explode but at the same time i feel so weak i cant do anything.. even typing is a challenge.. I'll be honest.. I feel like i should have listened to my late friends request to put a bullet through my brain..