FA+
Shop
Alone
9 years ago
This isin't exactly a cry for help...Or is it..I don't know...What is the best way to feel less alienated when being around people in most any social gathering terrifies you?...That's not to say i dont get along with people, i do, but its one of those mostly ''I have friends at work, we don't hang out afterwards, mostly because i feel we don't have anything in common and i fear if we DO hang out ill do or say something dumb and ruin what little thread of social status i have...
I dont really have anyone im in a relationship with physically or even really romantically, Mostly because I have a horrible anxiety of being touched by people, even hugging or any sort of contact makes me feel like something awful is going to happen and i'm going to be a disappointment.
Even thinking about it makes me anxious of what it would be like, the responsibilities and contact Ill be put into makes me feel faint.
But at the same time i couldn't feel more lonely right now.
People say to just get over it..but this has been with me for as long as i can remember. And this is something i really cant even figure out what it is rooted from so i don't know what it is to even fix.
Drawing usually helps me get past this, At least i can vicariously cope with what it would be like to be in some kind of physical relationship with someone.
I dont even know what sex im particularly attracted to specifically, I mean If i would say I suppose Bi? as i find girls cute and guys hunky, but then it go's back to me not being able to be touched without the fear of e freaking out, making things aquward and then just killing the mood.
People around me may see me as happy and there are days when i genuinely am, where I couldn't be having a better day, but that nagging feeling of wanting to come home to someone and be happy with them keeps popping up.
Anyway just a little vent and rant heh. This community has often helped keep me sane in this murky world, so thank you and goodnight.
Onigrift
I dont really have anyone im in a relationship with physically or even really romantically, Mostly because I have a horrible anxiety of being touched by people, even hugging or any sort of contact makes me feel like something awful is going to happen and i'm going to be a disappointment.
Even thinking about it makes me anxious of what it would be like, the responsibilities and contact Ill be put into makes me feel faint.
But at the same time i couldn't feel more lonely right now.
People say to just get over it..but this has been with me for as long as i can remember. And this is something i really cant even figure out what it is rooted from so i don't know what it is to even fix.
Drawing usually helps me get past this, At least i can vicariously cope with what it would be like to be in some kind of physical relationship with someone.
I dont even know what sex im particularly attracted to specifically, I mean If i would say I suppose Bi? as i find girls cute and guys hunky, but then it go's back to me not being able to be touched without the fear of e freaking out, making things aquward and then just killing the mood.
People around me may see me as happy and there are days when i genuinely am, where I couldn't be having a better day, but that nagging feeling of wanting to come home to someone and be happy with them keeps popping up.
Anyway just a little vent and rant heh. This community has often helped keep me sane in this murky world, so thank you and goodnight.
Onigrift
*hugggggssssssss......
V.
Now, in a first move, you probably put too much bounds/importance between solcializing and "touching". Let it flow, you absolutely don't need to have any physical interaction while feeling happy being with others. You just need to discover the others little by little and see if their personality matches more or less yours. That's the way it goes for everybody, it works with some, it does not with some others, but the world does not stop because we don't get along with some single personalities.
I've been lonely as well, and it really sucks too because I have my regular buds who want to spend time with me, but it just doesn't help the loneliness and longingess I feel to want someone to hold and love on.
Similarly, I always tell myself and my friends that I want someone to come home to, to cuddle with to relieve the stressful day of work I've had.
I don't think I'm anxious to physical touch, but I did learn I apparently tense up pretty hard when someone I have no bond with hugs me.
I hope you find that someone who'll give you what you need<3 and If it'll help at all, try to tell yourself that life is all about risks. n.n I've heard this all my life, but only recently finally understood its importance. You won't know if something good or bad will happen unless you try. This is how we learn things, and teach ourselves to adjust ourselves and try again. Or to decipher if our decision wasn't necessarily bad, but just done at a bad time.
<3
So I talk to my real bunnies, and occasionally force a nose snuggle out of them (They like it most of the time, bunny head grooming and all you know)
Warning: You may feel trapped that you have to go to the shelter each weekend and it consumes your weekend just taking care of the animals. (The Sense of duty to the critters)