FA+
Shop
Rats and Death.
16 years ago
Rats.
I like Rats. I always have. Matter of fact, I like all life. I like nature.
But that didn't stop me from doing what I did.
It may sound small to you - but to me, it's not.
I killed a Rat. Now for someone that loves Rats, to the point of wanting a pet one, you would think that's pretty traumatic, right?
No. Wrong.
I don't know why - perhaps it's my Autism, (Aspergers Syndrome.) But I'm so detached from my emotions, that it didn't really affect me. I didn't even kill it on the first strike- I was using a stick to jab downward. I crushed its ribs. Probably collapsed a lung. And it started to wheeze. It still didn't bother me; the opposite. This strengthened my resolve. It was mercy, now, to end its life. I then hit it in the leg as it tried to dodge. The third strike, by far, was the easiest though. Still trapped in the Bin, the Rat leaned up and looked at me. Straight at me, right in the eye. It wanted to communicate something. I don't know what. But what I do know is, that despite looking it in the eye, killing it, was perhaps the easiest thing I've done.
Morally, what I did was wrong. Completely wrong. The Rat didn't attack the stick when I gently pushed it in to explore; infact, it never once tried to harm me. It merely fought, and fled, to survive.
All the Rat wanted was to eat, sleep, drink, and play the very next day. To live out its life, as it always had. I don't know how old it was, whether it was Male, Female, whether it had Offspring, whether it was courting, or even if it felt pain or emotions.
But I ended its life anyway.
If I can do this to a Rat, or a Fox, or even a Dog, Bear, or Horse...
And this is the part that bothers me right here...
Perhaps I could do it to a Person?
I hope I never need to. I fear that finding out such knowledge, could make me into something I do not want to become.
I am [i]Not a monster. [i/]
I like Rats. I always have. Matter of fact, I like all life. I like nature.
But that didn't stop me from doing what I did.
It may sound small to you - but to me, it's not.
I killed a Rat. Now for someone that loves Rats, to the point of wanting a pet one, you would think that's pretty traumatic, right?
No. Wrong.
I don't know why - perhaps it's my Autism, (Aspergers Syndrome.) But I'm so detached from my emotions, that it didn't really affect me. I didn't even kill it on the first strike- I was using a stick to jab downward. I crushed its ribs. Probably collapsed a lung. And it started to wheeze. It still didn't bother me; the opposite. This strengthened my resolve. It was mercy, now, to end its life. I then hit it in the leg as it tried to dodge. The third strike, by far, was the easiest though. Still trapped in the Bin, the Rat leaned up and looked at me. Straight at me, right in the eye. It wanted to communicate something. I don't know what. But what I do know is, that despite looking it in the eye, killing it, was perhaps the easiest thing I've done.
Morally, what I did was wrong. Completely wrong. The Rat didn't attack the stick when I gently pushed it in to explore; infact, it never once tried to harm me. It merely fought, and fled, to survive.
All the Rat wanted was to eat, sleep, drink, and play the very next day. To live out its life, as it always had. I don't know how old it was, whether it was Male, Female, whether it had Offspring, whether it was courting, or even if it felt pain or emotions.
But I ended its life anyway.
If I can do this to a Rat, or a Fox, or even a Dog, Bear, or Horse...
And this is the part that bothers me right here...
Perhaps I could do it to a Person?
I hope I never need to. I fear that finding out such knowledge, could make me into something I do not want to become.
I am [i]Not a monster. [i/]
