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A Miserable But Pretty Night
9 years ago
Some personal emotional stuff, don't wanna read, kiss my feathery ass on the way out (I know you want to). ;P
Joking aside, been in one of my downswings lately. This weekend and since then have been an emotional hell with little provocation, one of those deals. Gotta love mental illness, no? Sleeping machine turned my life around, but should've guessed that it wouldn't fix me completely. Eh, c'est la vie, I'll roll with it somehow.
Last night though, was really different. Was having an intense bout of dissociation. For those that don't know, dissociation is basically when your consciousness feels disconnected from your senses, including your sense of identity. Your emotions are dampened and muffled, sounds feel like a distant echo, the feelings under your own fingertips feel alien and numb, all that good stuff. Might not even feel like you exist, it's great. /sarcasm
So, I was dissociating really bad, it was deep in the middle of the night, it was storming like hell outside. Spent some time with my dogs to try to get some feeling back, didn't work. But after I turned out the lights, I noticed how pretty everything was in the dark and the storm. Not just pretty, but soothingly beautiful. I've seen my own streets at night before, gone through my house with little or no light, but it felt like I was really seeing it, noticing it, for the first time.
Was a nice experience. The dissociation didn't go away, but maybe that was part of it, like all my other sense getting muffled helped me appreciate the dark. Hope it happens again.
Joking aside, been in one of my downswings lately. This weekend and since then have been an emotional hell with little provocation, one of those deals. Gotta love mental illness, no? Sleeping machine turned my life around, but should've guessed that it wouldn't fix me completely. Eh, c'est la vie, I'll roll with it somehow.
Last night though, was really different. Was having an intense bout of dissociation. For those that don't know, dissociation is basically when your consciousness feels disconnected from your senses, including your sense of identity. Your emotions are dampened and muffled, sounds feel like a distant echo, the feelings under your own fingertips feel alien and numb, all that good stuff. Might not even feel like you exist, it's great. /sarcasm
So, I was dissociating really bad, it was deep in the middle of the night, it was storming like hell outside. Spent some time with my dogs to try to get some feeling back, didn't work. But after I turned out the lights, I noticed how pretty everything was in the dark and the storm. Not just pretty, but soothingly beautiful. I've seen my own streets at night before, gone through my house with little or no light, but it felt like I was really seeing it, noticing it, for the first time.
Was a nice experience. The dissociation didn't go away, but maybe that was part of it, like all my other sense getting muffled helped me appreciate the dark. Hope it happens again.
Ebony_The_Umbreon
~ebonytheumbreon
Mental illnesses arent fun dealing with. Though the storm at night does sound really neat c:>
BirbleBuddy
~keeper-of-truth
OP
Yeah, it was! Only heard much of it outside my room, though. Room's too isolated and stuffy, I now realize. And doesn't have a skylight. The storm looked really nice under the skylight in the den, was considering sleeping on the couch with the dogs just to look at it.
