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Feeling lost....
9 years ago
Just feeling lost bout who I am and who I am suppose to be to my friends and those who I'm a Master to. Seems like all I will ever be is someone in the shadows and the one that seems to be hidden. I truly want to know, are people truly ashamed to show others they are my friends or I'm their Master?
I can and most time am a positive person that enjoys to have fun and hang with others to make new friends, but I'm battling a very dark battle within myself in regards to my own self worth and wondering what I'm really suppose to be and do in life and with those I'm friends and close relationship with. This battle is getting worse by the day to the point that suicide has crossed my mind and I have thought bout seeking help from a priest or therapist, but I'm working a lot and try to get my emt certification that I barely have time for my mate or myself to do art or game.
I really want to know if my friends are really ashamed of me? Do they not want to be seen with me in art cause they want to maintain their reputation?
I can and most time am a positive person that enjoys to have fun and hang with others to make new friends, but I'm battling a very dark battle within myself in regards to my own self worth and wondering what I'm really suppose to be and do in life and with those I'm friends and close relationship with. This battle is getting worse by the day to the point that suicide has crossed my mind and I have thought bout seeking help from a priest or therapist, but I'm working a lot and try to get my emt certification that I barely have time for my mate or myself to do art or game.
I really want to know if my friends are really ashamed of me? Do they not want to be seen with me in art cause they want to maintain their reputation?
If people are making you feel that bad about yourself then I think maybe it's time to put them out of your life, or just think of them as acquaintances instead of very close friends. I understand that in this case it may be that those friends aren't talking to you much, and it's probably really scarce when you do get to communicate... and sadly that's just the way a lot of people are in relationships with others. I'm a good example of this because even though I LOVE my friends, I almost never talk with them. BUT, that love never goes away even if we don't talk for months, and that's what matters.
...I like to think, 'it's better to have a handful of quality friends than a great amount of mediocre ones'.
As I've mentioned in the past, I don't know much of anything about the pet/master stuff, but I feel like a lot of people only want to belong to a master so that they can get a lot of art. Let's be frank: most people of fA only care about smut. From what I can tell, you seem like you are a good master because you care about your pets emotional and physical well-being, take very good care of them, and your rules are also very good in my opinion. I don't believe you are the problem, I think the right pets for you just haven't come along yet. Though it's possible it may take a while, if you're willing to wait, it'll work out for you eventually. Heck I won't lie, if I was a part of the master/pet thing, I would choose someone like you to be my master. I don't mean it as false-flattery either, like I said, you actually seem to care about your pets and don't focus 100% on smut like a lot of others.
As for your work and stuff, that's rough, I understand. If I remember correctly, my mom-in-law used to be an EMT worker and she said it was very difficult. I can't imagine trying to get your certification for that, it's certainly something I couldn't handle for long, even the training would wipe me out, so I commend you for sticking with it as long as you have so far. I'm sure your mate understands when you're really busy, it's not your fault. You're doing very well to try and get this certification so that you'll have a job, which means you'll also be able to take care of her.
I apologize that this is a lot of text, but I just wanna let you know that you're not alone and unloved, and you aren't the only one that goes through feelings like this. I've had a bunch of things happen in my life just these past few years, and if it wasn't for my trust and faith in Jesus, I have no doubt that I'd be living in the gutters or worse-- and I mean that literally. I know a lot of people wanna say that I'm just a 'brainwashed religious bigot', but I don't care. Father God has answered my prayers and saved my life so many times, and he's shown me that suicide is never the answer to our problems (trust me, I used to wish I would just die sometimes because of the lonliness I was feeling). A priest or therapist can only do so much to help you...But what problem could be too hard for the Creator of the universe?
Bro, really, if you need someone to talk to, you can always send me a note. I know our time zones make it hard to communicate efficiently, but just send me a message or something, okay, please? Your my friend, and your wellbeing is important to me, even if we don't get to talk as much as we'd like.