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2:15 am thoughts
9 years ago
I catch myself nowadays a lot, letting my mind wander to the thought that I'm not good enough in what I do. Artistically, as a friend, person, life. I don't know.
It's weird, being so completely grief-stricken, so sad and angry and lonely and shattered, but at the same time not feeling anything at all. Just super weird.
It's been exactly 52 days since mom died and the house has never been quieter. 52 days of me just being here in this place that used to be so vividly home and was full of laughing and talking and family- smells of food cooking and decorations being put up and people visiting. Now it's just- silent.
Silent and cold.
My favorite part of the day now is making it through all the way until I get to crawl under the blankets and go to bed, and despite that I'm still always restless, up at 2 or 3 in the morning. Its not like my thoughts are racing or I'm upset or afraid or whatever, like I used to be. It's something different.
Death is a horrible thing. So much besides just the person who died physically goes with them. Nobody will ever tell you that, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that part out.
It's weird, being so completely grief-stricken, so sad and angry and lonely and shattered, but at the same time not feeling anything at all. Just super weird.
It's been exactly 52 days since mom died and the house has never been quieter. 52 days of me just being here in this place that used to be so vividly home and was full of laughing and talking and family- smells of food cooking and decorations being put up and people visiting. Now it's just- silent.
Silent and cold.
My favorite part of the day now is making it through all the way until I get to crawl under the blankets and go to bed, and despite that I'm still always restless, up at 2 or 3 in the morning. Its not like my thoughts are racing or I'm upset or afraid or whatever, like I used to be. It's something different.
Death is a horrible thing. So much besides just the person who died physically goes with them. Nobody will ever tell you that, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that part out.
