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"What's In A Name? (Have You Got An Hour?)"
9 years ago
Over the years, I have had my full real name - Jed G. Martinez - misspelled and mispronounced in so many different ways, I was seriously considering changing it to Rumplestiltskin Throckmorton Pinocchio... just to piss off a lot of people!
When I was born in 1954, my mother wanted to name me Gary, but my father - who always had his way - named me Jed. Now, in retrospect, I thought he'd named me after Jedidiah from "The Holy Bible", or after 'Jedidiah Leyland' (a.k.a. 'Broadway Jed') - the Joseph Cotten character in Orson Welles' classic film "Citizen Kane". Dad eventually told me that (when he used to have a job at a New York City laundry during the 1950), he'd named me after a shoeshine boy with that moniker... and that wasn't even the big letdown!
During the 1960s, when I went to both elementary and high school, all of the other students used to compare me to 'Jed Clampett' - the lead character from "The Beverly Hillbillies" (which was on TV's Top Ten list for several years, according to Nielsen ratings). Of course, the lower scum in school often compared me to another character from "TBH": 'Jethro Bodine' (who wasn't exactly a mental dynamo on the show).
To compound my situation, my brother's name was Glenn - which has the 'e' sound in the middle of the name Jed - and my father (whose real birth name was Joaquin) was usually called Jack - which has the 'j' sound at the start of Jed. So, whenever Mom was calling out for either my brother ("Glenn!") or my father ("Jack!"), I kept on mistaking it for Jed. (All the more reason why I should've been named Gary... or even Rumplestiltskin!)
Then, during the 1970s, a new development occurred, when I started getting personal 'snail mail'... addressed to me, but with my name misspelled. It all began when I'd signed up to get schedules for events at the Whitney Museum in upper Manhattan, and printed out my first name Jed. At the time, I used to draw a little line across the top of the letter 'J' - which, unfortunately, some inept associate at the Whitney mistook for the letter 'T'. Subsequently, every few weeks, I'd received said schedules, addressed to a 'Ted Martinez'...
Since then, I have had all sorts of 'snail mail' sent to me under other nom de plumes, including 'Jeff Martinez', 'Jed Martine', 'Jed Martin', and even 'Leo Martinez'! (How someone managed to get 'Leo' out of my penmanship version of 'Jed' remains a mystery to this very day.)
The strangest piece of 'snail-mail' I had ever received was a small package addressed to a Mrs. Jed Martinez - and I had never been married in my entire life! And, to "add insult to injury", said package contained a sample... a tampon sample! (And, at my age, it was certainly enough to give me a period!)
Then, there's the pronunciation of Martinez - which should be mar-tee-ness - but others say it in the alternate way, mar-tin-ess. This included an American radio personality, who was broadcasting in London one particular week, when I'd won a prize in a 'call-in contest'... and the guy announced, "The winner of the classical music CD is a Jed mar-tin-ess of Elmont, New York."
"Great!" I'd thought to myself. "Now I have a name that's been mispronounced in two different continents!"
This has been going on now for over fifty years, and it hasn't stopped yet...
The latest situation involving my name occurred recently, while I was ordering food at a local Wendy's (here in Margate, Florida). The guy behind the counter (taking my order) asked me for my name. This way, he can put it on the receipt, and call publicly it out when the order has been filled. (Now, bare in mind, the left side of my face no longer works properly - as a result of an operation [several years ago] to remove a benign lump located there - so, my mouth isn't properly functioning when I talk.)
"Jed," I had told the guy behind the counter.
"Could you spell that?" he'd asked.
"Sure," I replied. "J-E-D..."
"Thank you," he said, as he handed me my receipt... which was made out to 'JEE'!
I'd thought that this was a possible fluke, or that he didn't hear me spell the name out clearly. Of course, there was a loud din in the restaurant (from everybody in the back, cooking burgers and chicken sandwiches), so that might have contributed to his inability to hear me spell out it properly.
So, one week later, when I'd returned to the very same Wendy's, and placed another order to the same guy behind the counter, and he asked me to spell out my name this time, I'd placed my left hand on my left cheek (which, somehow, makes me sound clearer), and raised my voice in a louder register...
"J-E-D!"
"Thank you," he said, and gave me my receipt.
This time, he got the 'D' in my name right... but the receipt was made out to 'J-A-D'!
I am now tempted to lodge a complaint with the entire Wendy's corporation - insisting that, if all Wendy's employees cannot get my name spelled right on the receipt, I should get my meal for free; Or else, the next time I go to one of their eateries, and they ask for my name, I'm going to write it out in big block letters... on their counter... with a 'permanent marker pen' (so that they'll never forget my name)!
Then again, this latter act of aggression might not be such a good idea. Knowing my luck (and my misfortune over the last five decades), I'll probably get arrested for 'vandalism'... and, at the police station, have my name misspelled when they take my 'mug shot'!
When I was born in 1954, my mother wanted to name me Gary, but my father - who always had his way - named me Jed. Now, in retrospect, I thought he'd named me after Jedidiah from "The Holy Bible", or after 'Jedidiah Leyland' (a.k.a. 'Broadway Jed') - the Joseph Cotten character in Orson Welles' classic film "Citizen Kane". Dad eventually told me that (when he used to have a job at a New York City laundry during the 1950), he'd named me after a shoeshine boy with that moniker... and that wasn't even the big letdown!
During the 1960s, when I went to both elementary and high school, all of the other students used to compare me to 'Jed Clampett' - the lead character from "The Beverly Hillbillies" (which was on TV's Top Ten list for several years, according to Nielsen ratings). Of course, the lower scum in school often compared me to another character from "TBH": 'Jethro Bodine' (who wasn't exactly a mental dynamo on the show).
To compound my situation, my brother's name was Glenn - which has the 'e' sound in the middle of the name Jed - and my father (whose real birth name was Joaquin) was usually called Jack - which has the 'j' sound at the start of Jed. So, whenever Mom was calling out for either my brother ("Glenn!") or my father ("Jack!"), I kept on mistaking it for Jed. (All the more reason why I should've been named Gary... or even Rumplestiltskin!)
Then, during the 1970s, a new development occurred, when I started getting personal 'snail mail'... addressed to me, but with my name misspelled. It all began when I'd signed up to get schedules for events at the Whitney Museum in upper Manhattan, and printed out my first name Jed. At the time, I used to draw a little line across the top of the letter 'J' - which, unfortunately, some inept associate at the Whitney mistook for the letter 'T'. Subsequently, every few weeks, I'd received said schedules, addressed to a 'Ted Martinez'...
Since then, I have had all sorts of 'snail mail' sent to me under other nom de plumes, including 'Jeff Martinez', 'Jed Martine', 'Jed Martin', and even 'Leo Martinez'! (How someone managed to get 'Leo' out of my penmanship version of 'Jed' remains a mystery to this very day.)
The strangest piece of 'snail-mail' I had ever received was a small package addressed to a Mrs. Jed Martinez - and I had never been married in my entire life! And, to "add insult to injury", said package contained a sample... a tampon sample! (And, at my age, it was certainly enough to give me a period!)
Then, there's the pronunciation of Martinez - which should be mar-tee-ness - but others say it in the alternate way, mar-tin-ess. This included an American radio personality, who was broadcasting in London one particular week, when I'd won a prize in a 'call-in contest'... and the guy announced, "The winner of the classical music CD is a Jed mar-tin-ess of Elmont, New York."
"Great!" I'd thought to myself. "Now I have a name that's been mispronounced in two different continents!"
This has been going on now for over fifty years, and it hasn't stopped yet...
The latest situation involving my name occurred recently, while I was ordering food at a local Wendy's (here in Margate, Florida). The guy behind the counter (taking my order) asked me for my name. This way, he can put it on the receipt, and call publicly it out when the order has been filled. (Now, bare in mind, the left side of my face no longer works properly - as a result of an operation [several years ago] to remove a benign lump located there - so, my mouth isn't properly functioning when I talk.)
"Jed," I had told the guy behind the counter.
"Could you spell that?" he'd asked.
"Sure," I replied. "J-E-D..."
"Thank you," he said, as he handed me my receipt... which was made out to 'JEE'!
I'd thought that this was a possible fluke, or that he didn't hear me spell the name out clearly. Of course, there was a loud din in the restaurant (from everybody in the back, cooking burgers and chicken sandwiches), so that might have contributed to his inability to hear me spell out it properly.
So, one week later, when I'd returned to the very same Wendy's, and placed another order to the same guy behind the counter, and he asked me to spell out my name this time, I'd placed my left hand on my left cheek (which, somehow, makes me sound clearer), and raised my voice in a louder register...
"J-E-D!"
"Thank you," he said, and gave me my receipt.
This time, he got the 'D' in my name right... but the receipt was made out to 'J-A-D'!
I am now tempted to lodge a complaint with the entire Wendy's corporation - insisting that, if all Wendy's employees cannot get my name spelled right on the receipt, I should get my meal for free; Or else, the next time I go to one of their eateries, and they ask for my name, I'm going to write it out in big block letters... on their counter... with a 'permanent marker pen' (so that they'll never forget my name)!
Then again, this latter act of aggression might not be such a good idea. Knowing my luck (and my misfortune over the last five decades), I'll probably get arrested for 'vandalism'... and, at the police station, have my name misspelled when they take my 'mug shot'!
ChristopherDavies
~christopherdavies
I was called Christina once. God, I feel sorry for you. Then I keep getting Shadowmere and Shadow Blade mixed up! It doesn't help that they're both black Horses of the opposite gender! Plus, Shadow Blade's pregnant!
Rainbowdragon
~rainbowdragon
Jed is such a simple name though i'm stunned other people would mix it up. (though to be fair I think Jed IS a common name I mean sheesh my first name is Nathan and I ended up with another friend named Nathan who had a BOSS named Nathan. That's a Nathan who knows a Nathan that has a boss named Nathan confused yet?)
RobCat
~robcat
OP
There's nothing more confusing than living in south Florida, with a very large Latino population - and three out of every ten residents with the last name Martinez!
There's something about theaters and bad hearing. For some reason, the Walnut St. Theater in Philly thought I was 'Mitch Mound'...
I've just stopped caring how they spell Allan. It's always pronounced the same anyway. (except when I occasionally need to get ID replaced)
trivialink
~trivialink
Mispronouncing your last name puzzles me, but then I used to hang out with some Mexican kids when I was in elementary school, and still tend to throw a Spanish pronunciation when confronted with a new word or name.
