It has been quite a while since I've logged on this account. My love hasn't been on here for a while so I've just stuck to my work account on here. But I logged on here and saw the few pieces of art that I bought for he and I and I couldn't help but weep. Six months... six months is all he has been given since his diagnosis of Stage 4 Lung cancer. Sure, he's doing Chemo but it leaves him so drained and it doesn't seem to be helping. Nothing hurts worse than watching the man of your dreams whither before you. It hurts more than broken promises and unfulfilled dreams and plans that the two of us had made. It hurts so bad, so very bad.

My world has come crashing down this last month as I've been working three jobs to support him and his needs, my kids, and get bills taken care of. I miss spending time at home. My days consist of going to job 1 from 8am to 4pm. I come home, clean his potty chair, cook dinner, clean up, spend some time with he and the kids for about 20 min and then I'm off to job number 2 from 6pm to 10pm. I come home, clean his chair, bathe him, dress him, say goodnight to my kids, then come on the PC to work commissions and try to get extra funds for medical bills and his funeral costs. My life is dead right now and I'm just working on auto pilot. I smile and say I'm fine, all the while slowly dying inside and drowning in deep depression. It just all has come crashing down....