I've done few things for myself. I fear the hypocrisy of instant gratification so much that I have repulsed even delayed-and-deserved gratification. Over the past year I have bought five games for myself: two for my birthday, two apps, and one that constituted my graduation gift. Games are, or maybe were, essential to my identity. But now I've wanted and wanted for so long, without fulfillment, either because I couldn't afford it or because I feared feeling guilty that I spent money -my money- on myself, that I've lost why I wanted in the first place.
Everything about me I've had to change or suppress. I've acquiesced to whatever other's wanted so readily (in particular my mom), and have went out of my way for others so often without reciprocation. The only two things that I've allowed myself are sleep and masturbation, and not without immense personal justification. These are the only two things I feel and am free about.
And that was then. Now? I watch others play games, I have abandoned enjoying food (it's all bread, cheese, salad and bland coffee anyways, literally 1984 style), I'm a guest at where I live, I have no car or money for transit, no friends (goes without saying), not in school anymore, I had to lose my dog and my city, I fucking lost my past and my ego. It's gone! Even the memories. Anything I could call my own. I'm 10 percent of what I was two months ago, and I have no idea how to regrow.

Too few good memories.
Much too few for this.