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Grammar Stuff/WIP
9 years ago
Okay, so... I've ended up skipping old pieces altogether since a bit of inspiration sparked and started writing something new. However, I've come over a snag of which I'm trying to figure out.
Wintry snow adrift the withered land, a
Wayward soul doth wander ‘bout its tragic
Home. Beneath the threshold, precious rubble
Laces the mind a poison prime of the manic.
The problem is with the last line. Would that be grammatically correct? Discussing it with a friend currently. The 'poison' bit is meant to describe the rubble. I have a weird way of writing, so I just tend to write what I feel is right.
Wintry snow adrift the withered land, a
Wayward soul doth wander ‘bout its tragic
Home. Beneath the threshold, precious rubble
Laces the mind a poison prime of the manic.
The problem is with the last line. Would that be grammatically correct? Discussing it with a friend currently. The 'poison' bit is meant to describe the rubble. I have a weird way of writing, so I just tend to write what I feel is right.
Tonin
~tonin
I'd put a comma after mind, but I have no idea what would be "correct". *shrugs*
Sendokidu
~sendokidu
OP
That's what my friend said as well, but I feel like it'd shift focus and make the poison describe the mind. It is... off-settling, especially since I'm refusing to use a preposition there. XD
Yeah Tonins right with that comma. The way it reads without the comma is your fear of it actually referring to the mind.
