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Hello Everyone *IMPORTANT*
9 years ago
Recently, I've been really depressed. More so than usual. I am trying to get back on my feet and it's getting harder and harder by the day. I've become the most depressed I've been in months. I doubt things I shouldn't. I am crying more than I want. I should be happy, but, I am failing at each step. I am trying my hardest, but, each time I go to someone who I thought I cared enough to just tell me "everything is fine, just keep going", I get shit on.
I always got shit on for something. But, it's more so that I live with Henry and people see it as I am bumming off his family. Saying that the fact the job I have right now has not paid me once and Henry has every right to be mad at me. Makes no goddamn sense. I am sorry, but, if it takes to show people I am actively trying to better my future, they'd still shit in my face. Telling me "OH YEAH! Well I've had 10 times worse!". I am not here to compete with someone. NEVER WAS. I am irritated. I am depressed. I am worried. I am stressed.
I am not the most popular artist and I don't want to seem like I am begging for help. Never that. I never want people to pity me just because I explain my situation. I want people to listen and hope for the best. I want people to realize that I've had really bad in the past. That my struggle isn't a baby struggle. That my struggles while living with my mother is actually my baby struggles. My struggles now are the worse they've been in so long.
I have to deal with trying to find a job, trying to make money so I can buy essentials, and trying to go college. Doing all this and more has stressed me out. I am not physically okay with this. I want to be able to be financially stable again.
And if you ask, "Why don't you live with your parents?" Well lemme tell you kiddo, my dad moved to someone's home (possibly in one room) and that is inappropriate for me to stay in a room with him. My mother is living absolutely far away and is a drunk from time to time. She is also very violent.
I am trying to understand, why I deserve such a rough start at adulthood. It just isn't fair anymore...
I always got shit on for something. But, it's more so that I live with Henry and people see it as I am bumming off his family. Saying that the fact the job I have right now has not paid me once and Henry has every right to be mad at me. Makes no goddamn sense. I am sorry, but, if it takes to show people I am actively trying to better my future, they'd still shit in my face. Telling me "OH YEAH! Well I've had 10 times worse!". I am not here to compete with someone. NEVER WAS. I am irritated. I am depressed. I am worried. I am stressed.
I am not the most popular artist and I don't want to seem like I am begging for help. Never that. I never want people to pity me just because I explain my situation. I want people to listen and hope for the best. I want people to realize that I've had really bad in the past. That my struggle isn't a baby struggle. That my struggles while living with my mother is actually my baby struggles. My struggles now are the worse they've been in so long.
I have to deal with trying to find a job, trying to make money so I can buy essentials, and trying to go college. Doing all this and more has stressed me out. I am not physically okay with this. I want to be able to be financially stable again.
And if you ask, "Why don't you live with your parents?" Well lemme tell you kiddo, my dad moved to someone's home (possibly in one room) and that is inappropriate for me to stay in a room with him. My mother is living absolutely far away and is a drunk from time to time. She is also very violent.
I am trying to understand, why I deserve such a rough start at adulthood. It just isn't fair anymore...
I just hope things get easier on you soon.