With both Christmas and New year's eve being rather close to each other I always feel like I should've done something. To me it feels like the time that everyone goes to meet both family and friends, go out and what not, do something fun together. Family I do have and it was decent but I feel like I once again failed to find people to be around with, another chance missed. I feel extremely frustrated as result, maybe it's just because I now and than think of the study project that continues after the weekend. It's like my life can be separated in large periods of stressful study work and short periods of loneliness. I think about what even is anything I do amount to, I don't have anything to look forward to, there's only more work with nothing in return. Some say it's easy to make new friends, but for me it's always been and seemingly always will be a struggle. all I know is to work. Others are happy to see the result of my work and say things are ok as to what I'm doing but I never truly feel the same way. Perhaps I'm just frustrated because this Christmas vacation seems like a big failure to me.
I suppose I did continue meeting up with my old neighborhood friend again, simply going for a walk and chatting about things. I guess that's better than nothing.
I guess I did make slow progress over the year, I just hate the thought of Christmas and new year's eve being that one time when everyone comes together, you should be having people to be around with or otherwise you're a dummy. I hate that thought, I hate failing at things, I hate it that it gives a good reason for people to look down on me.

I've been struggling with the thought that I have no future.

Christmas and new year's eve are those times you should be really happy but for me it's depressing.


Anyway happy new year I suppose, soonish, depending on your timezone.

[Edit]
You know what I actually am slowly building up more contacts through some furry telegram group, I just need a bit more time.