FA+
Shop
Any artist's in Netherlands, South-Holland?
9 years ago
General
In short: I'm still hoping to find artists with the same interests near me. Someone I can hang out with some time, draw a bit. That would be really nice.
In long: Having severe depression again, feeling extremely lonely. I literally have nothing to look forward to other than just more work. I'm seriously starting to wonder why I'm even doing everything I do now. I'm not a workhorse, just because I'm a living person doesn't mean I'll keep on working and hope to be happy with what I do while actually it's only making someone else happy. As if I'm some small part in a machine, why would I put all that effort in just to keep that machine running where I don't get any benefit out of? To me the machine can die off, it has no value to me. Where's my moment for happiness?
Work is not it's own enjoyment, it's something you do so later you can do the things that you enjoy, both in long and in short term. I don't see anything come from it though.
I'm seriously wondering if anything I do really has a point to it. All I know is to work hard but hard work doesn't get you friends so why work at all?
I really don't see any point to my life as it is, I'm already 26, had no social life in my youth, still don't really have any and have no sight on progress. And what about the other parts of my life? I wanted to work on a huge advancement which I have to do a Biology study for which is going nowhere, I fail almost every class despite the effort I put into it, I have no life outside that and yet everything fails.
Art wise I hoped to get near the same quality of art as Kuroma at some point but look at where I'm now after all these years, after the same amount of time as Kitora and Kuroma I'm still absolutely nowhere. People still enjoy my art because I'm one of the few traditional artists but the sad reality is that I just don't have the money to get better quality art equipment be it better things for traditional art or digital art. I draw on A4 copy paper with mechanical pencils using the cardboard of a crappy sketchbook as underground.
I just want a place to be at, somewhere I can be happy, but it seems that's too much asked so life will just torment me until I'm dead. In that case I wonder why I should keep on going.
Ok perhaps I do know 2 of the good hyper muscle artists, as friends actually kinda, I'm insecure. They live a day travel away from me however so I would only be able to plan on meeting them during a vacation if they would also have time than and would enjoy it that is.
In long: Having severe depression again, feeling extremely lonely. I literally have nothing to look forward to other than just more work. I'm seriously starting to wonder why I'm even doing everything I do now. I'm not a workhorse, just because I'm a living person doesn't mean I'll keep on working and hope to be happy with what I do while actually it's only making someone else happy. As if I'm some small part in a machine, why would I put all that effort in just to keep that machine running where I don't get any benefit out of? To me the machine can die off, it has no value to me. Where's my moment for happiness?
Work is not it's own enjoyment, it's something you do so later you can do the things that you enjoy, both in long and in short term. I don't see anything come from it though.
I'm seriously wondering if anything I do really has a point to it. All I know is to work hard but hard work doesn't get you friends so why work at all?
I really don't see any point to my life as it is, I'm already 26, had no social life in my youth, still don't really have any and have no sight on progress. And what about the other parts of my life? I wanted to work on a huge advancement which I have to do a Biology study for which is going nowhere, I fail almost every class despite the effort I put into it, I have no life outside that and yet everything fails.
Art wise I hoped to get near the same quality of art as Kuroma at some point but look at where I'm now after all these years, after the same amount of time as Kitora and Kuroma I'm still absolutely nowhere. People still enjoy my art because I'm one of the few traditional artists but the sad reality is that I just don't have the money to get better quality art equipment be it better things for traditional art or digital art. I draw on A4 copy paper with mechanical pencils using the cardboard of a crappy sketchbook as underground.
I just want a place to be at, somewhere I can be happy, but it seems that's too much asked so life will just torment me until I'm dead. In that case I wonder why I should keep on going.
Ok perhaps I do know 2 of the good hyper muscle artists, as friends actually kinda, I'm insecure. They live a day travel away from me however so I would only be able to plan on meeting them during a vacation if they would also have time than and would enjoy it that is.
