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Feeling less than smol
9 years ago
For a long while I've been not going about doing anything little...no footie jammies, no toys other than my Mr.Frog I sleep with. But today it really hit me. Oddly enough (not really) watching some Melanie Martinez music videos. I just found myself thinking "Man I wish I had a crib like that D:" instead of listening to the song...heh. I watched a few more videos after Pacify her and just found myself envying her cute baby doll clothes.
I suppose I have been neglecting my Little side quite a bit, but I haven't really thought about her for some time. I went to fetlife and looked around, and ended up depressed that the nearest little's Munch (or meetup) is like 2-4 hours away from me. and Its unlikely I'll be able to go. I feel...isolated.
And now my real life Dad is living with us, and whilst he isn't usually one to judge and would probably find it at most weird or at least amusing, I can't really bring myself to be little in the main house more than wearing my unicorn jammies. I know my other room mate already knows and I'm sure I've talked to my dad about it but I just can't bring myself to give in and be little...I guess?
I wish I was more trusting of people, and could find someone that could help me feel small safely, but I'm so scared of being misunderstood or hurt. Giving in to that vulnerable side of myself around others is opening up a much softer side of myself to mistreatment...
My childhood wasn't fantastic, my mother was rather abusive...and I guess it has also left a stigma in my mind against it. I had to grow up fast and help raise my sisters so they were bathed and taken care of...maybe that's why my little side is 4-6 which is the ages I was when my sisters were born.
I know this is pretty ranty but I just feel...meh today. I am in my cute jammies but I feel...depressed. Course I am having 'female troubles' so...that could be doing it. stupid hormones.
Also, I am pretty sure I could never (in my current mental state as of the beginning of January 2017) use diapers, but maybe my issue with the one I did wear was that it was a disposable. All hard and plastic and weird. I actually use reusable pads (some rather large) so maybe if I tried a cloth diaper I'd feel better >_> I dunno. Maybe being more comfortable in my skin would be helpful too -_-
Uhg...lots of weird thoughts and feelings today dumped into this journal. Feck it. Ima post it anyway.
I suppose I have been neglecting my Little side quite a bit, but I haven't really thought about her for some time. I went to fetlife and looked around, and ended up depressed that the nearest little's Munch (or meetup) is like 2-4 hours away from me. and Its unlikely I'll be able to go. I feel...isolated.
And now my real life Dad is living with us, and whilst he isn't usually one to judge and would probably find it at most weird or at least amusing, I can't really bring myself to be little in the main house more than wearing my unicorn jammies. I know my other room mate already knows and I'm sure I've talked to my dad about it but I just can't bring myself to give in and be little...I guess?
I wish I was more trusting of people, and could find someone that could help me feel small safely, but I'm so scared of being misunderstood or hurt. Giving in to that vulnerable side of myself around others is opening up a much softer side of myself to mistreatment...
My childhood wasn't fantastic, my mother was rather abusive...and I guess it has also left a stigma in my mind against it. I had to grow up fast and help raise my sisters so they were bathed and taken care of...maybe that's why my little side is 4-6 which is the ages I was when my sisters were born.
I know this is pretty ranty but I just feel...meh today. I am in my cute jammies but I feel...depressed. Course I am having 'female troubles' so...that could be doing it. stupid hormones.
Also, I am pretty sure I could never (in my current mental state as of the beginning of January 2017) use diapers, but maybe my issue with the one I did wear was that it was a disposable. All hard and plastic and weird. I actually use reusable pads (some rather large) so maybe if I tried a cloth diaper I'd feel better >_> I dunno. Maybe being more comfortable in my skin would be helpful too -_-
Uhg...lots of weird thoughts and feelings today dumped into this journal. Feck it. Ima post it anyway.
maybe what you need are a fw little things that are acceptable to do around other folk, like for example here in the UK adult colouring books are a huge thing thats quickly become one of teh uks favourite passtimes so its perfectly acceptable to see people colouring colouring books on trains and in offices. Maybe you could get one of those and do some colouring in. or maybe if you have a local park go find a pond and feed some ducks if your roommate knows about you maybe you can convince them to come along with you. theres always ways to be little subtly
By the by, still loving shine ^_^ Not following the other one as closely, but I really like watching Star's journey into littleness.