He and I had already talked about my confusion about sexuality, so that wasn't a surprise to him - I think if he hadn't known there may have been a problem, and he assures me that the friendship isn't damaged, but yeah, it sucks because even though he didn't do anything wrong I still feel kinda yanked around emotionally.

Haha sounds nice. Yeah - it's difficult, cause I don't have the 'oh she/he's hot' feeling most people have.

Been talking with my dad about it - feeling better now :)

This is just my own experience; others experience things differently so I cannot speak for them.

I apologize in advance for the length o_o;

Yep! Demisexual here. I have to form a bond with someone before I feel attracted to them, sexually or romantically. My mate was just a friend until we hung out during my breakup with my ex (he and I hadn't lived together in almost a year after four years of cohabitation, I fell out of love and the attractions died; I had just been with him for nearly seven years and wasn't ready to give up yet). Anyway, my current mate and I were just skating and having a good time, and he turned back to look at me, and with a goofy smile said "Doesn't this feel better?"

And I felt something just...click. And suddenly the world was golden and bright again and I fell in love. Just like that. Three years later and I still feel the same way.

While I can look at eye candy, it's never in that "I'd like to tap that" kind of way. It's more of a "I'd really like to get to know you" kind of feeling. I can count exactly two times I felt sexually attracted to someone without a bond while sober, and they were both when I was a teen and hormones were raging (my ex was one of those two). Otherwise, it just doesn't really do anything for me. I can agree that someone is attractive and aesthetically pleasing, but I don't feel anything towards them unless I know them well.

Alcohol will be your best friend and worst enemy. You'll be able to "bond" with people more easily thanks to lowered inhibitions and impaired judgement, but you'll also risk making embarrassing mistakes and damaging relationships that aren't ready for that level of intimacy. It's a steady learning experience that unfortunately you're just going to have to stumble through until you find your footing and can balance platonic love with romantic/sexual attraction.

My advice: let your friends know what's up. If they're truly your friends, they will totally understand. Let them know you need guidance and boundaries. Ask them to tell you if you overstep a line. It's going to be awkward and scary at first, but with time it won't even be a problem. Some friends are okay with a little mutual affection/"affection." Some aren't. You won't know until you're honest and open the lines for communication. Don't go waving banners plastered with "we're friends and because of that I may develop feelings for you," but don't be afraid to be honest.

As for your friend's sudden change of heart, well... There's a couple of explanations, from identity crisis to just being a dick. There's no way to know for sure unless further communication happens, but that could be risky from the sound of it. I would at least let him know something on the lines of "dude, it wasn't cool when you said this but changed to that; I'd rather you be more upfront with me next time."

You are going to get hurt if you don't teach yourself how to build boundaries and accept yourself. Channel those feeling into altruism. If a friend doesn't want intimacy, then just buy their dinner or beer next time y'all hang out. Listen to them vent. Go see that shitty movie with them. That way you can still do something for them and show them your feelings, but without the awkwardness of rejection or expected sexual advances.

Your mileage may vary. That's just what's worked for me and how I deal with it ^^;

Thanks for your thoughts! I basically just figured this out right this weekend, so yeah I'll have to set up some new rules for myself to make sure that nothing I do jeopardizes any relationships.

Welcome to the club :S

Similar situations to what you described have happened to me twice in the past; good friends that triggered emotional and sexual desires for them even though I knew they were straight (and I don't tend to feel that way about anyone, and don't find people sexually attractive like that in normal circumstances). Thankfully they were cool about it and didn't make a huge deal, just politely declined. Still broke my heart and left me in a lot of personal pain and depression because it isn't easy dealing with those kinds of feelings when the other doesn't feel them as well.

Thankfully, I eventually found a friend that it happened with that DOES feel the same way and we've been dating for over a year now. It can be EXTREMELY painful dealing with it in some situations, but maybe you'll get lucky and eventually find the right person too
Just be careful because I got a little weird with one friend at first before I told him what was going on and it almost ruined our friendship

I feel like this too. It's really hard when your extended family mustn't know you're gay. They ask you every time you meet about your girlfriend and/or dating.

Yeah, I know what that's like - and as for me I don't identify as gay necessarily - it's just that my only friends are men, so that's the only time it's happened.

I understand; I was trying to relate to part of your dilemma. I've thought about females before too, I suppose transgender men solved that for me.

Demisexuality sounds like a good foundation for a relationship. I've seen so many relationships (especially on FA) destroyed by partners cheating on each other for new thrills or other silly things. So a genuine connection with someone is always a plus...but maybe this is just me saying nonsense :x

I suppose so! It's a two-edged sword though, because I have a feeling it'd be a lot easier to tell who might be a good mate for you if you can just look at someone and be able to give a yes/no answer based on whether or not you're attracted to them. For me (99% of the time), I don't feel any attraction whatsoever to strangers.

I'm personally pretty asexual for the most part...much to the dismay of a few people :o