Having family, or anyone else really, putting more and more onto you says more about everyone else. That you're stepping up, trying your hardest, even when you're swimming in circles and going mad shows that you've got value and worth even if you're wedged down.

I can't really speak for your customers, since I'm only getting back into commissioning, but if I was I'd tell you to take a time out sometimes for your physical and mental health. You're not a machine and everyone needs a break sometimes.

So take care, and vent here when you need, because you aren't trash and folks do care.

You aren't trash. It sounds like you have a family that puts selfish and unfair burdens on you. If you ever want someone to chat with, drop me a note.

T___T *hugs, hugs tight*

You need a break, a chance to breath and reconnect to what in the world gives you happiness.

*hugs* you should stream sometimes if you can it might help a little chatting it up while drawing especially if you have a good crowd that love to joke around to get a good laugh

i find it difficult to sit down and work in peace for more than an hour and i doubt anyone would want to watch me, also i doubt my machine would do well.

that sucks :(

You arent trash. Your an amazing artist. Things will get better in time.

If ya need to vent, then vent. Its better then locking things inside.

I know no one likes listening to me vent, it's easier to just bottle up.

It doesnt matter if people dont like hearing it or not, venting in a healthy manner is important.

That sounds so much like me, but I work a full time job and try to do art to cover some personal wants or needs after the job pays for rent and bills =_=;;

I understand that frustration. I've been a mess myself this last couple of weeks. Still going to work cause I have to... but once I get home? I can't do anything without feeling more miserable sometimes.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Hmm..It's sad seeing an artist of your caliber (any artist where drawing is there life, really) getting discouraged.

When was the last time you got to draw something personal for yourself? I noticed in your gallery the last non-commission/non-gift you posted was half a year ago. That's a long time to go without giving some of the passion you have in drawing to yourself.

I find it extremely hard to draw for myself cause it doesn't help pay bills.

Things are bad, but they're not that bad. Everything in life is being filtered through a compounding progression of shit, so everything tastes like shit, but that's not how it started. Things are getting to the point now where you're telling yourself lies to keep the progression going, not because you want to but because you can't help it. This is the bottom portion of 'the downward spiral'. First thing you need to do is realize and accept that this is an illness. Ideally you need medical treatment for that illness. If that's not an option, then you at least need to find someone who can help you sort through the bullshit and figure out what's real. And you need to firm up on this, and promise that you're going to take care of this first thing tomorrow.

I don't usually reply to journal entries, but I thought this might be a good one for it since I've suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life and I've had to learn to deal with what you're feeling so I don't drown in it. I'd like to take a moment to note that not all solutions work for everyone, you basically have to go through and try different things to find what actually helps you and it can be hard if it takes a while to find it and that can get horribly discouraging.

The easiest short term solution for dealing with that overwhelming feeling is to just distract yourself with something that makes you happy until it passes. That said it's extremely short term and does nothing to actively deal with what's causing you to feel swamped to begin with.

When I start to get like that I'll grab a bit of paper or open a txt doc and write out/draw up a grid with the base things that are weighing on me along one row, then next to that I'll note out exactly what impact those things are having and then after that I'll note one or two things I can do to solve/alleviate that 'problem'. (ie, Too many chores, not enough time left in the day for work/commissions, speak to family about lessening the load just a bit[or alternatively alternating days for chores/a chore roster]). When you're done, sit back and figure out what things you can actively work on and change then try and resolve them one at a time.

Meditating for 30-60mins before bed can help calm your mind and emotions to help you sleep better which will help because a full nights rest is proven to increase your ability to cope/problem solve and process complex emotions (like lessening the intensity of depression and anxiety). There are a couple different ways you can meditate. The most common is the standard 'acknowledge and push away/let go', if you have trouble with doing that (like i do), you can dial it back and just acknowledge that the things you hear/smell/feel are there and not hurting you and move on (ie, pay attention to your breathing, how steady it is, how it feels when your lungs inflate and deflate for a few moments before drawing away to pay attention to your heartbeat and so on.)

Venting is the last thing I'll go into here since it seriously can't be underestimated. If you don't have one already, I suggest you find someone (friend/family/councilor/therapist) who you can just sit down with and offload any and anything that happens to be on your mind. A good vent session will help lighten the load since it helps you get rid of all the words and feelings you keep locked up inside either because you feel like you can't/shouldn't say them or for some other reason. Venting is less about fixing a problem and more about making it feel less daunting/overwhelming and it's not a step that should be underestimated.

There are a LOT of other things you can do too and if you search around you'll be able to find resources either over the net or local to you that will help too. Just don't give up and try not to give up too many of the things you actually enjoy/love, otherwise you could find yourself totally overbalanced in terms of positive and negative influences.

I hope this has helped at least a little and I know I'm basically a random internet person, but feel free to pm me if you need to rant at someone. I'm always willing to listen. :)

You aren't trash, I can relate, though. I'm a full time artist, my mother lives next door and is wheelchair bound as of last year, she's awaiting a hip op, so I have to do most things. I have 2 pets to look after and a boyfriend of 8 years who.. well things are falling apart really, I have to do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and I have depression and pretty much hate myself. And I never feel like my art is good enough. Many insecurities. I can never seem to save up money at all. - So in a way you're not totally alone? I know if probably doesn't help.

However, when you have so many things bombarding your mind, and a family who isn't ... being helpful, as yours sounds to be, so to speak, it's easier to feel terrible.
I know it's impractical but a "Holiday" might be the best thing for you, that or try and make other house members step up and do their part more, so you have more time to actually relax and not feel so stressed. If you're like me you'll hate asking anything from others, but it's your right to. Housework should NEVER be put onto just one person. D8

Streaming can help if you're in the right mindset, like someone commented above, (But when I'm super down, I sometimes can't bring myself to)

If you do have a friend who'll listen, talk to them, even if they dont 'help' at least you'll have vented a bit.

And I know it's what people say often but, if you do need anyone to talk to I'll happily help, or try.

My method is just slap my depression in the face each time it swarms me, It is easy to get overwhelmed but you have to keep fighting and not succuming to the "I wish I was just dead, it's too hard" thoughts, maybe even write down a few things that you feel would make life a bit easier, even if they dont seem attainable, then if any of them ARE attainable, take steps towards them slowly, change wont happen overnight but it's your life and you do have the power to change it, even if it really feels like you don't.

I dont usually leave comments so. Sorry if this, wasn't the best or coherent, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and yeah. D8 I love your art, too.

Listen to all these people, they all pose excellent points. *^^*

I'm sorry if my commission was a bit of trouble in particular. You're a great artist and you've inspired me a lot. It's rough right now, but just keep going steadily, and you'll be okay.

1. You're suffering from depression. Seek treatment, or if that isn't financially viable, seek mitigating strategies.

2. Art for income, especially primary income, is brutal. Look for ways to make the least amount of work make the most money for you. Explore, for example, templated art and commission runs that allow you to re-use art assets. This alone can turn a $50 day into a $300 day.

3. Merchandise your artwork, look for ways to make the trickles count. Working with a site like RedBubble is low effort and allows you to offer a LOT to your buyers.

4. Be realistic about your options for art-driven income. Very, very people can make their living this way, much less support a family. A job might not be as fulfilling, but it will fulfill your bank account with a much more steady, reliable clip. The only time you should be full-timing art is when part-timing it would mean watching MORE money fly away.

5. Have a frank and thoughtful talk with your family about your financial situation, and its sustainability. Chances are good they're going to tell you that artwork alone isn't going to support you. Chances are, they're right. Be prepared, have a plan, and if you're committed to trying to full-time-art it, have a REALLY GOOD PLAN. And a really good plan means: Have plans for failure modes that aren't "dying homeless in a gutter of despair".

Good luck. Work hard. Go for walks. Breathe.

There will be bad days. Be calm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7OGY1Jxp3o

Pft. You know I <3 ya. You're my go-to person and I always miss you!
Am here whenever you need, even if I am a slowpoke!