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Slump, Work, Cancer, Moving & Marriage
8 years ago
I haven't updated my gallery since 2014, or my journals since 2015. My alternate account, 
clopandelarue, is just as stale. In a previous journal I resolved to take no longer than a week to respond to messages and no more than two months without posting art. You can see that resolution went flying right out the window, and you could be forgiven for thinking I've abandoned FA. In reality I'm just lurking off-and-on. Drawing art, commissioning art, and engaging with people on social media have been pretty low priorities for me the past couple of years. Depression, anxiety, and neurotic hangups have strangled my creative and social urges and have made it hard to post anything. My memory and focus aren't so sharp, either.
I've been working at Solar World, a German-owned solar panel factory in Hillsboro, Oregon, since December 2014. I have a bachelor's degree in art, but I was too discouraged and disoriented after college to pursue anything in a creative field. I worked part-time in a gas station mini-mart deli for three years and despised it. I was desperate for ANYTHING else, and Solar World plopped into my lap. I work 12-hour graveyard shifts 3-4 nights a week, operating machines used in the production of solar cells. It's an entry level job and the pay isn't impressive compared to similar manufacturing and tech jobs. It's not mindless work, but if everything is running smoothly it can be very repetitive. This is absolutely not what I want to do in the long run, but it's allowed me to be financially independent from my parents for the first time in my life. The hours are steady, and I need that kind of security and structure.
In March of 2016 my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 colorectal cancer. He was one of those guys who never go to a doctor unless something is obviously, terribly wrong–and even when something was obviously, terribly wrong (bleeding), he continued to avoid the doctor until he was in debilitating pain. Let me get preachy here. Don't be like my dad. If something is wrong, get it checked out. If nothing is obviously wrong, go to the doctor anyway and get the recommended screening tests for someone of your age and sex. If you wait until you're in terrible pain before seeking a diagnosis, it may be too late.
The second thing Dad's doctor said to him was, "This will eventually kill you." (How's that for bedside manner?) Surgery wasn't possible due to the location and stage of the tumors. His oncology team planned radiation and chemotherapy treatments that we all knew probably wouldn't cure him, but would hopefully extend and improve his life. Nearly a year later, Dad is still with us and has responded well to treatment. He is the same man I always knew, and if he didn't tell you, you probably wouldn't even know he's sick.
Around the time that Dad got ill, his troubled alcoholic brother showed up on our doorstep to stay with us for awhile. This was the motivation that I needed to pack up and move out of my parents' house, something I'd been wanting to do for a long time. I felt some guilt about "abandoning" Dad, but my parents assured me that everything was happening as it should. I moved in with my fiancé,
atrayu. As much as I complain about my ongoing struggles with depression, I have actually been much happier since I came here.
My uncle is now living in a halfway house and getting the support he needs. My parents are enjoying their retirement. Atrayu and I will be married this coming April. There are still challenges for us to overcome, but there is happiness and hope.
clopandelarue, is just as stale. In a previous journal I resolved to take no longer than a week to respond to messages and no more than two months without posting art. You can see that resolution went flying right out the window, and you could be forgiven for thinking I've abandoned FA. In reality I'm just lurking off-and-on. Drawing art, commissioning art, and engaging with people on social media have been pretty low priorities for me the past couple of years. Depression, anxiety, and neurotic hangups have strangled my creative and social urges and have made it hard to post anything. My memory and focus aren't so sharp, either. I've been working at Solar World, a German-owned solar panel factory in Hillsboro, Oregon, since December 2014. I have a bachelor's degree in art, but I was too discouraged and disoriented after college to pursue anything in a creative field. I worked part-time in a gas station mini-mart deli for three years and despised it. I was desperate for ANYTHING else, and Solar World plopped into my lap. I work 12-hour graveyard shifts 3-4 nights a week, operating machines used in the production of solar cells. It's an entry level job and the pay isn't impressive compared to similar manufacturing and tech jobs. It's not mindless work, but if everything is running smoothly it can be very repetitive. This is absolutely not what I want to do in the long run, but it's allowed me to be financially independent from my parents for the first time in my life. The hours are steady, and I need that kind of security and structure.
In March of 2016 my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 colorectal cancer. He was one of those guys who never go to a doctor unless something is obviously, terribly wrong–and even when something was obviously, terribly wrong (bleeding), he continued to avoid the doctor until he was in debilitating pain. Let me get preachy here. Don't be like my dad. If something is wrong, get it checked out. If nothing is obviously wrong, go to the doctor anyway and get the recommended screening tests for someone of your age and sex. If you wait until you're in terrible pain before seeking a diagnosis, it may be too late.
The second thing Dad's doctor said to him was, "This will eventually kill you." (How's that for bedside manner?) Surgery wasn't possible due to the location and stage of the tumors. His oncology team planned radiation and chemotherapy treatments that we all knew probably wouldn't cure him, but would hopefully extend and improve his life. Nearly a year later, Dad is still with us and has responded well to treatment. He is the same man I always knew, and if he didn't tell you, you probably wouldn't even know he's sick.
Around the time that Dad got ill, his troubled alcoholic brother showed up on our doorstep to stay with us for awhile. This was the motivation that I needed to pack up and move out of my parents' house, something I'd been wanting to do for a long time. I felt some guilt about "abandoning" Dad, but my parents assured me that everything was happening as it should. I moved in with my fiancé,
atrayu. As much as I complain about my ongoing struggles with depression, I have actually been much happier since I came here. My uncle is now living in a halfway house and getting the support he needs. My parents are enjoying their retirement. Atrayu and I will be married this coming April. There are still challenges for us to overcome, but there is happiness and hope.
Side note: Even though I tend to use Clopan as my main character nowadays, it feels weird to actually be addressed or referred to as "Clopan." It's a good sort of weird, though. When I went to Anthrocon (where nobody knew me except my roommates) that's how I introduced myself to people.