It's a duplicate of the journal I've posted on my DA.


Well, fuck.

Being serious, it's been like a million years passed since I last was active here. There were reasons. Some of them caused hge problems that I was to face, others were less, but there were lot of them, so that all doesn't make the whole situation easier.

Firstly. I want to apologize to my commissioners. Most of them are waiting almost a half of year, and I know they must be upset(to say things softly).
But, I know I'm guiltly. I know it's my fault that I couldn't get along with the situation. It's all my fault, I understand, and that's why I even don't put excuses first.
I am really sorry for this to happen now and with all of you right in this period of my life. And I'm gonna to try to apologize to everyone personally via notes, of course.
I can only say, that that's the first time such kind of shit happens. I never scammed of thieved anything from people by leaving their commissions uncompleted. Furthermore, all present commissions and ych's were already started and were 30-50% done. There was no reason for me to abandon works for no serious reasons.

What I faced last and party this year.
- Difficulties with uni. Because of life & family problems I decided to go for work, to help my family financially. (Some of you may know that my father had a horrible situation on his work).
- My third-uncle (actually he's non-native closely, but still), who was ~35 year old commited suicide. He had family, relatives, and to say the truth, he was a smiley-one, none could say that he ever had mental problems. But still... All this situation somehow hit me hard, I dunno why, cuz I saw him only once, and we were not too good aquainted, but... Just the situation itself. It gets me frighteed and sick.
- Another death was a death of my relative from the older generation.. To be honest, don't wanna put it personally and talk about it much.
Also I got ill before Christmas, it was a kind of prostration/collapse, but with high temperature. Doctor said that it's because of my busyness that caused overwork, and my body is simply weakend.

So, that'll not all, but briefly and mainly. I know that doesn't give me any privelegues, but I least I get all you updated.

I finally understand that I just shouldn't get back to all that's already passed and only focus in what's matters and what's I really need to do. I mean, I don't want to say I didn't knew this before... But all the situation in my life just shouted at me, like "you'll not have enough inspiration to work for other people, you'll not draw with all your passion and will, you'll disappoint others". And I was ashamed to look in all your eyes, seriously. Such kind of procrastination was never typical for me. I guess, it's only because of the weight of mental oppression that had overwhelmed me. This is not an act of an adult, this is an act of a teenager girl who doesn't know her responsibilities. But again, that's not typical for me. It was just an accident that happened by chance.
I promise this would never happen again.

I really hope my commissioners and watchers could forgive me. I'm sincerely sorry.

I'll get back to EVERYONE today, just need to sort all my inbox out. There are billions of them.