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walk through hell and come out the other side
16 years ago
General
Though i walk though the hell itself i will not fear the demons for i have a charm to keep me sane
well where to start...i can't say my life is down the tubes because i have a few bright points if i can just REACH the damn thing. what really is bothering me is the fact that every night (or possible a night of piece) my stepdad and my mother fight about some STUPID site called IMVU yea i went there didn't like it much but...my mother has taken it to an obsession and its honestly tearing the family apart.
Im a very very big beliver in family and its really pissing me off to no end. She used to take my advice when it came to things. now she won't stop and lisen to me at all. When i talk about my day or i ask her about hers. The only thing she wants to talk about or these...PEOPLE on the site. I mean i don't mind at all really about her wanting to talk about them. I mean i talk about one or two people here or a few artist im into here. Though its not all i want to talk about >.<
Just to give one incident that lead to the ultimet straw. One day not to long ago i was out job hunting and decided to stop by my mothers work while she was at lunch. I found her with her computer and on IMVU the whole time i was there trying to talk to her she paied more attention to that damn site then me. she looked at me ONCE the whole time until i asked her for some pocket change -_-
This all leads up to her completly ignoring the family when we talk to her we get nothing at all. i've tried to talk to her till one day i started to yell at her myself once my dad started to yell. I told her once that she could strighten up and fly right or she could leave the house like she planned. if she did i told her that i would never talk to her again. that seemed to have slapped her in the face enough to know her oldest son the one that stuck though thick and thin with her saw her as His...Superhero for all the shit that she went through with me and i helped her though...would disown her as a mother
It seemed to work for a while...now its back to what it was and another large fight i had enough. We live in the same house and i don't see her as a mother. she birthed me thats all to me now. Its hard to see in those eyes that...she didn't care anymore. that this damn computer program is more importent then her family. She claims she tired of giving things up because of my stepdad but this is no longer about him anymore. He changed and i actualy LIKE him enough now. Yea he got his faults but who dosn't?
the only bright part of this whole thing of being jobless...having NO family of blood anymore. Having fights about not being abile to find a job with my step dad and...honestly having no outside life outside this damn house. is that during this summer a couple weeks back well i found a childhood sweetheart. We dated in middleschool and then we had to move...i havn't seen her since until a month and a half back. we fall back together like puzzle pieces and now...were together again. sadly she has to leave back home soon but we promised we would meet again when i go to college in her town ^-^
I only really writting this because...im not a very good people person. I really have no friends IRL anymore because i trusted them and they just used me to get something out of me. the ones i HAD online don't talk to me now exept a handful here. I really have noplace to turn to for advice...im so used to giving it just never seeking it. I have no older person to talk to...So i hope somebody will see this...and idk give me some insight because i have none. the only thing keeping me sane is her.
Idk if its karma that all the junk has levled out in her maybe its not. Im just happy that i have her now.
SO thanks for reading this crap im spewing out and please i hope it didn't make your eyes bleed
well where to start...i can't say my life is down the tubes because i have a few bright points if i can just REACH the damn thing. what really is bothering me is the fact that every night (or possible a night of piece) my stepdad and my mother fight about some STUPID site called IMVU yea i went there didn't like it much but...my mother has taken it to an obsession and its honestly tearing the family apart.
Im a very very big beliver in family and its really pissing me off to no end. She used to take my advice when it came to things. now she won't stop and lisen to me at all. When i talk about my day or i ask her about hers. The only thing she wants to talk about or these...PEOPLE on the site. I mean i don't mind at all really about her wanting to talk about them. I mean i talk about one or two people here or a few artist im into here. Though its not all i want to talk about >.<
Just to give one incident that lead to the ultimet straw. One day not to long ago i was out job hunting and decided to stop by my mothers work while she was at lunch. I found her with her computer and on IMVU the whole time i was there trying to talk to her she paied more attention to that damn site then me. she looked at me ONCE the whole time until i asked her for some pocket change -_-
This all leads up to her completly ignoring the family when we talk to her we get nothing at all. i've tried to talk to her till one day i started to yell at her myself once my dad started to yell. I told her once that she could strighten up and fly right or she could leave the house like she planned. if she did i told her that i would never talk to her again. that seemed to have slapped her in the face enough to know her oldest son the one that stuck though thick and thin with her saw her as His...Superhero for all the shit that she went through with me and i helped her though...would disown her as a mother
It seemed to work for a while...now its back to what it was and another large fight i had enough. We live in the same house and i don't see her as a mother. she birthed me thats all to me now. Its hard to see in those eyes that...she didn't care anymore. that this damn computer program is more importent then her family. She claims she tired of giving things up because of my stepdad but this is no longer about him anymore. He changed and i actualy LIKE him enough now. Yea he got his faults but who dosn't?
the only bright part of this whole thing of being jobless...having NO family of blood anymore. Having fights about not being abile to find a job with my step dad and...honestly having no outside life outside this damn house. is that during this summer a couple weeks back well i found a childhood sweetheart. We dated in middleschool and then we had to move...i havn't seen her since until a month and a half back. we fall back together like puzzle pieces and now...were together again. sadly she has to leave back home soon but we promised we would meet again when i go to college in her town ^-^
I only really writting this because...im not a very good people person. I really have no friends IRL anymore because i trusted them and they just used me to get something out of me. the ones i HAD online don't talk to me now exept a handful here. I really have noplace to turn to for advice...im so used to giving it just never seeking it. I have no older person to talk to...So i hope somebody will see this...and idk give me some insight because i have none. the only thing keeping me sane is her.
Idk if its karma that all the junk has levled out in her maybe its not. Im just happy that i have her now.
SO thanks for reading this crap im spewing out and please i hope it didn't make your eyes bleed
yea i know there are stress factors but she never done this before. She has taken drugs and i know she has an addiction to this now. but i can't stop it by hiding her pills like i used to. or burning her crud she brought home in the woods.