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I guess I'm single again
8 years ago
General
I was dating a guy a while back. We would hook up maybe every other week. Things seemed to be going so well. He was kind and funny and easy to talk to. We seemed to have a lot in common. About three months in, I made the mistake of texting, "I love you." There was a long silence on his end. I mean like a month of silence. He was real awful about texting back, but something was different. I put him in an awkward spot, I know.
We finally went out to a pizza place and he explained he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. "It's not you, it's me." Obviously, I was disappointed, but I tried not to show it. I said I respected his boundaries and hoped we could remain friends. He seemed fine with that. We went our separate ways. In the weeks since, I've tried texting to see if we could hang out. Nothing romantic, I just wanted to do something with a friend. No response. I'd just ask how he was. No response. I asked if something was wrong. No response.
I know I shouldn't, but in the five or six months since, I've texted maybe once a month to ask how he's doing. I bet I'm just digging the grave deeper, but I just want some definite answer. I don't know what I did. Everything seemed to be going so well. I suppose I just pushed it too far too fast. I scared him off.
I'm afraid he found someone else and doesn't have the heart to tell me.
I'm gonna stop texting. I've made too many efforts to contact him.
Looks like I'm back to square one.
We finally went out to a pizza place and he explained he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. "It's not you, it's me." Obviously, I was disappointed, but I tried not to show it. I said I respected his boundaries and hoped we could remain friends. He seemed fine with that. We went our separate ways. In the weeks since, I've tried texting to see if we could hang out. Nothing romantic, I just wanted to do something with a friend. No response. I'd just ask how he was. No response. I asked if something was wrong. No response.
I know I shouldn't, but in the five or six months since, I've texted maybe once a month to ask how he's doing. I bet I'm just digging the grave deeper, but I just want some definite answer. I don't know what I did. Everything seemed to be going so well. I suppose I just pushed it too far too fast. I scared him off.
I'm afraid he found someone else and doesn't have the heart to tell me.
I'm gonna stop texting. I've made too many efforts to contact him.
Looks like I'm back to square one.
Stay positive and reflective. Affirm your strong traits and don't let anyone not appreciating them make you think your positive traits aren't there or don't matter. You're amazing and special and nobody knows that better than you.
You just have to focus less on what you should have done in the relationship past and more on what to do going forward. And of course, the good times you DID have. Otherwise you'll have a very miserable time moving on.
I'd say it's one of two things: yes you did scare him off, but he was genuinely not ready for a relationship, especially that quickly, so even though the line he used was lame it was honest. Or alternately as others have theorized, he was already seeing someone else/didn't want to see you any more, and made that up as an excuse. One way he's an asshole, one way he isn't. But either way it's not your fault, and the only thing I might want to suggest going forward is that you let the next relationship play out slowly...and let the other guy use the 'L' word first, even if you're already feeling it. (If you aren't, that's a different matter altogether, especially if he's using it even earlier than you did this time, since unlike you that would make him desperate and clingy. But I digress.)
Anyway, this is hardly the end for you. You're an awesome guy and I know you'll find someone someday you understand you, and is worthy of you.
maybe he doesn't know how to manage that (i did something similar long time ago
with an ex when he asked me to be his boyfriend again, i avoided calling him again since then).
*hugs* i hope you feel better in the following days
I'm so sorry Bro