I've been doing a lot of thinking about my art an what it means to me, as well as the way I conduct myself on here. I've pestered my friends for things that were really inappropriate ("why won't you buy my commissions *whiiiine*?) and I used to be sorry but I didn't really see it as my fault. I'm only 20 and I've got a LOT of growing up to do still, but I realized that I don't need commissions. While it would be nice, my friends need to take care of themselves first. Food is a heck of a lot more important than "supporting" your friends and art in general. The fact that I used to post so often and whine so much is just a testament to how immature I was. There's a lot of growing pains going on right now, but I'm growing and I think that's what matters. So I honestly want to apologize to those I've harassed. It was really rude and scummy of me and I'm sorry. I'm not gonna make excuses about meds or my mental health in general because it doesn't excuse what I did. I know I'm probably making this a bigger deal than it actually is; HOWEVER, I'm really trying to show that I know I messed up and you're gonna start seeing a very different Cookie from now on. I'm only gonna post YCH reminders once a day, maybe once every two days. I'm not gonna post commission reminders. I'm going to focus on art for the sake of doing art. I'm gonna do some experimentation with art styles and lines and shading. It's gonna look messy as heck, but I'm gonna do it because I can't grow unless I try new things.

Getting a job has really helped me gain confidence in myself. I'm doing things that I never would've done 4 months ago. I'm starting to finally understand myself and figure out who I am and what I mean to myself. Yeah, my art isn't the best, but everyone has to start somewhere, and I'm a lot better than I used to be. My lines are clean, my shading actually has a purpose now, and I'm so much better at coloring! I'm proud of myself and how far I've come, and I guess I'm saying this for myself. I never thought I'd feel this way about myself, and honestly I'm crying a little because I'm so happy.

For once, very little actually sucks about my life, and I'm thankful to everyone I know.