"Hey, I'm back."
*Disappears*
"Hey, I'm back"
*disappears*

I'm sorry I'm on and off. I'm going through a really hard time and it's been really hard for me to get by. I'm currently almost through my first week of an 17-18 day long straight work period.

I have two jobs now. One is a door to door sales job, based on commission. You can guess how that's going.

The other is a part time at a pizza place. That's where I'm currently working the 17-18 days straight.

Ottawa is ok, I guess. I'm doing fine. I guess.

idk, if it's not obvious enough by the last few pics I've posted, and my silence, I'm just struggling all around. I don't miss home, but I'm homesick. If that makes any sense. I miss what life used to be. I keep thinking about my last night in Edmonton, driving around, seeing key places that played huge roles in my upbringing. Many of which no longer stand.

I'm going to be honest here. My depression is worse than it has been for a long time. I've been slipping back into self harm. A kind which I haven't done in years. I'm not happy. With where I am or who I am. Not that I hate Ottawa, I don't. I think it's great. I just...

I don't know. I know my disappearances hurt friendships with people. A lot of you probably think I'm a pretty shitty person. I know I do.w

I don't know how to ask people for help. I don't know how to deal with my problems other than pushing away those I care about. I wish I could say it's some noble reason, like not wanting you guys to get hurt.

But it's because I don't want to get hurt.

I cry whenever anyone says "I'll never leave" because I can't trust those words. I've had them told to me time after time by the people I've held the closest to my heart, only to have those people break that promise. If anything, "I'll never leave" means the opposite to me. "I'll leave, and it will hurt you."

So what am I trying to say?

If you hadn't already guessed: I don't know.