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Draining the wound
8 years ago
Hello my dear FA watchers.
Typically I am a very private person, and tend to just keep my demons and my pain to myself, but this time I just can't do it. Today, I want to share. Today, I want to feel like I am not alone with my feelings, and my safe haven of Furaffinity is the only place I can turn. I want to try to be more... open. So people can see who I am.
I've been battling with loneliness for the last good couple of months. It's part of the reason it took me so long to come back... I had to pick up the pieces when my best friend of 15 years just walked out and left. I still haven't talked to her and it makes me irritated to say I still miss her (Mainly because if it were up to me, we would be talking).
I am weird. I am unique. I am different. I will tell you exactly how I am feeling about something, and I am always honest. Only recently I have found that people say they want to hear the truth, but no one actually does. I can't be anything but... Me. I don't know how to lie, and I don't want to learn. I have an annoying ability to see people for who they are, and admittedly I kind of hate it sometimes. Who wants a friend who can see everything about themselves that they're trying to hide from?
I am kind, I am giving, I am compassionate, I am open-minded, I am understanding, I am honest. I am an alien on this planet. I can't... possibly be the only one, can I?
I'm sorry if this came off as whiny or whatever... I am just in pain, and trying to drain the wound. I need to know I am not alone in being... alone.
Thank you for reading.
Typically I am a very private person, and tend to just keep my demons and my pain to myself, but this time I just can't do it. Today, I want to share. Today, I want to feel like I am not alone with my feelings, and my safe haven of Furaffinity is the only place I can turn. I want to try to be more... open. So people can see who I am.
I've been battling with loneliness for the last good couple of months. It's part of the reason it took me so long to come back... I had to pick up the pieces when my best friend of 15 years just walked out and left. I still haven't talked to her and it makes me irritated to say I still miss her (Mainly because if it were up to me, we would be talking).
I am weird. I am unique. I am different. I will tell you exactly how I am feeling about something, and I am always honest. Only recently I have found that people say they want to hear the truth, but no one actually does. I can't be anything but... Me. I don't know how to lie, and I don't want to learn. I have an annoying ability to see people for who they are, and admittedly I kind of hate it sometimes. Who wants a friend who can see everything about themselves that they're trying to hide from?
I am kind, I am giving, I am compassionate, I am open-minded, I am understanding, I am honest. I am an alien on this planet. I can't... possibly be the only one, can I?
I'm sorry if this came off as whiny or whatever... I am just in pain, and trying to drain the wound. I need to know I am not alone in being... alone.
Thank you for reading.
You aren't. There are honest people out there. Actually, my honesty has sometimes made romantic situations weird, or simple sweet comebacks just become a "state of fact."
You are not alone. We're all fags, hags, bitches and witches. The honest people tend not to find each other, sadly enough.
A 15 year friendship though... Kinda reminds me of my ex-best friend. After school ended for us, we split up. Although things weren't inherently bad between us, we saw each other twice in 5 years. That's just too little for me. When I'd try to contact him, he'd always be out of reach.
When he reached out to me online, asking for my number again, I just couldn't give it to him. I don't want to feel like someone I put my trust in isn't really there for me. We've become two totally different people. He's an animator with brilliant ideas, and all the colored pencils and utensils I gave him should last a long while. But I am not that guy. I can't sit around and play video games with him. I can't fly back to see him and enjoy his company. Truthfully, it really hurts to give up something you really care about, but it should make you stronger. There's a silver lining somewhere, you just have to find it and embrace it.
Yeah, me and my bestie were super, super close before she left. I am sorry to hear about you and your friend, and I can understand being hesitant to give them your trust. It truly does hurt to lose something you want so badly... But there is a reason for everything, I believe. It also sucks when friendship takes a huge hit, so much that it's beyond repair.
Thank you for being open with me. It feels nice to share the pain with someone, and makes me feel so much less alone.
I can't say I've been close friend with someone for that long, but I remember my last girlfriend breaking up with me via text. It was both heartbreaking and insulting at the same time, considering how much I tried, but awell...
I can't imagine how painful it would be to have 15 years, amd they just walk. I'm sorry that happened.
I'm sorry to hear you got dumped over text... That's happened to me in the last year and it sucks. It's the easy way out and it's way more hurtful than saying it in person. I think I'm finally getting over it, though (I hope, haha).
Thank you for your condolences. I appreciate them, and offer mine as well.
hope you can atleast get to feeling better about it though.