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Social Suicide
8 years ago
Welp, this is it.
Don't think that the decision I'm making here is one that I'm making out of brashness and anger. I've been thinking about doing this for over a month. In that month, I've been rewriting this letter over and over and over and over again, stopping and starting, trying to figure out the right way to say what I want to say and how I'm going to say it. So let's hope that I cover it all.
The truth is, by nature, I'm a healer. I care deeply about everyone around me and get attached extremely quickly. That means, when people do things that I dislike (whether they're objectively bad things or not), they can go from tolerable issues to giant, throbbing problems that I need to fix. I want to see the betterment of everyone around me, including myself, because... well. I don't know. It's a major flaw of mine and I hate it.
I don't want you to read 'you're all annoying me so I'm leaving'. It's more like I'm annoying me. I can't handle the amount of people I have to juggle anymore, and cumulative issues have made it so I feel less like I'm having fun and more like I'm tolerating everybody around me at best. Just... don't think too deeply into it.
Moving on.
I'm leaving the Decaverse and the room to Rarest. I trust her to be the most objective, and the most interesting with the story of it. A leadership position is probably not something she covets, but that's okay. If she wants to pass the room on to somebody else, that's fine too. If she wants to burn it to the ground, whatever. I'm not even sure if it'd last without me, as I was always under the impression it was a me fanclub, which is really not what I wanted it to become.
Speaking of a 'me' fanclub, I hate Deccy. I love the attention she brings me, but I hate Deccy. All of my other works would always be overshadowed by Deccy. When I gave Deccy away, a lot of people fell off of me because fucking a giant pink alicorn was their only REAL reason for having me as a friend. Every time I asked people who they wanted me to play most, and they asked for Deccy, it broke my heart. Because while I like her... it hurts that people just want her. It's like they never gave anything else a chance.
As for characters...
Well, I'm going to be doing my best not to look. I hope the names of Mane-iac, Nightmarity, Empress Decadence, etc. go to people who are passionate about Maney, Marity, and Cadance respectively. Please don't hold onto them for my sake, as I have no intention of coming back. I've been thinking about this for a month, remember - this isn't a fit of rage in which I wipe the slate clean. This is social suicide. If you use these names for ill or hold them for me, I will be... angry. Use them well. In six month's time, when I get curious, and I see something good? I will be pleased.
Of course, I'm not going to be physically capable of cutting myself off from the internet entirely. I'm just going to be doing my best to wipe my footprint off of my signature sites and methods of contact. That includes F-List, Furaffinity, Skype, Discord, and Steam. Perhaps we'll cross paths once again in the future. If we do, I hope it is as strangers. I don't feel like I'm worthy of the affection most of you give me. With that in mind, I want us to be friends again - but because of my merits as a PERSON, not because I have a giant pink dick. I think once you look past the castle I've built, you'll find the foundation is rotten to the core.
What else am I missing...
Ah, yes. This journal and profile will stand as a testament to my successes and my failures. All of my art is completely free to use. Hopefully, with my removing myself from this account, I will be free from my wanton desire to waste money on useless art nobody cares about. I'm going to change the password to some long string of letters and numbers I won't remember. Hopefully that's enough discouragement. Most of my watchers don't even log on anymore, and the rest of them just want mindless porn.
Finally...
Don't you dare pursue me. If I make deliberate contact with any of you again, it will be me contacting you. If you want to never have a chance with me again regardless of alts or meeting up again without knowing who I am, you will respect my damn privacy.
I hope that me turning over this new canvas will help me be a better person, and a happier one.
Don't think that the decision I'm making here is one that I'm making out of brashness and anger. I've been thinking about doing this for over a month. In that month, I've been rewriting this letter over and over and over and over again, stopping and starting, trying to figure out the right way to say what I want to say and how I'm going to say it. So let's hope that I cover it all.
The truth is, by nature, I'm a healer. I care deeply about everyone around me and get attached extremely quickly. That means, when people do things that I dislike (whether they're objectively bad things or not), they can go from tolerable issues to giant, throbbing problems that I need to fix. I want to see the betterment of everyone around me, including myself, because... well. I don't know. It's a major flaw of mine and I hate it.
I don't want you to read 'you're all annoying me so I'm leaving'. It's more like I'm annoying me. I can't handle the amount of people I have to juggle anymore, and cumulative issues have made it so I feel less like I'm having fun and more like I'm tolerating everybody around me at best. Just... don't think too deeply into it.
Moving on.
I'm leaving the Decaverse and the room to Rarest. I trust her to be the most objective, and the most interesting with the story of it. A leadership position is probably not something she covets, but that's okay. If she wants to pass the room on to somebody else, that's fine too. If she wants to burn it to the ground, whatever. I'm not even sure if it'd last without me, as I was always under the impression it was a me fanclub, which is really not what I wanted it to become.
Speaking of a 'me' fanclub, I hate Deccy. I love the attention she brings me, but I hate Deccy. All of my other works would always be overshadowed by Deccy. When I gave Deccy away, a lot of people fell off of me because fucking a giant pink alicorn was their only REAL reason for having me as a friend. Every time I asked people who they wanted me to play most, and they asked for Deccy, it broke my heart. Because while I like her... it hurts that people just want her. It's like they never gave anything else a chance.
As for characters...
Well, I'm going to be doing my best not to look. I hope the names of Mane-iac, Nightmarity, Empress Decadence, etc. go to people who are passionate about Maney, Marity, and Cadance respectively. Please don't hold onto them for my sake, as I have no intention of coming back. I've been thinking about this for a month, remember - this isn't a fit of rage in which I wipe the slate clean. This is social suicide. If you use these names for ill or hold them for me, I will be... angry. Use them well. In six month's time, when I get curious, and I see something good? I will be pleased.
Of course, I'm not going to be physically capable of cutting myself off from the internet entirely. I'm just going to be doing my best to wipe my footprint off of my signature sites and methods of contact. That includes F-List, Furaffinity, Skype, Discord, and Steam. Perhaps we'll cross paths once again in the future. If we do, I hope it is as strangers. I don't feel like I'm worthy of the affection most of you give me. With that in mind, I want us to be friends again - but because of my merits as a PERSON, not because I have a giant pink dick. I think once you look past the castle I've built, you'll find the foundation is rotten to the core.
What else am I missing...
Ah, yes. This journal and profile will stand as a testament to my successes and my failures. All of my art is completely free to use. Hopefully, with my removing myself from this account, I will be free from my wanton desire to waste money on useless art nobody cares about. I'm going to change the password to some long string of letters and numbers I won't remember. Hopefully that's enough discouragement. Most of my watchers don't even log on anymore, and the rest of them just want mindless porn.
Finally...
Don't you dare pursue me. If I make deliberate contact with any of you again, it will be me contacting you. If you want to never have a chance with me again regardless of alts or meeting up again without knowing who I am, you will respect my damn privacy.
I hope that me turning over this new canvas will help me be a better person, and a happier one.
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