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To start with...
8 years ago
Hello world (never been said before, I swear it!)
Off to a slow start I am, I suppose, but there's no harm in taking it easy. My introduction to the furry world has been perhaps an odd entry point compared to some, maybe normal for others. It started with my best friend getting into the local furry scene and me tagging along from time to time over the period of a few years. I started to feel like there was something there for me and so hung around more and more. My interests overlaid very nicely with those of many of the other furries I met. Peculiarities of my childhood bore an uncanny resonance with the ethos of the environment in which I found myself. I should point out that not everything resonated, nor does it at present, likely due to my relative particularity and care to discern what really interests me from what is taken on because everyone's doing it. I could write at length about my observation of certain furries appropriating ideals with which they don't sincerely feel connected... but I shall leave that for another time.
In becoming more connected with the community I felt interested but displaced as I didn't have any reason to assume I would make a good furry. Growing up I didn't feel directly imbued with the animal spirit so many in the gatherings spoke of. I felt it was perhaps inappropriate to assume a fursona if it didn't necessarily mean anything special to me. This is where the slow-start comes in and honestly it's down to how I think my way through things. With time and with new friendships budding I discovered new ways of looking at how furry might mean something to me; whether innate or representative of my self and life in a symbolic way. To me it appears that the symbolism and reference are more on point than to say that I have an innate animal spirit but that remains to be seen. Meditations and learning to understand more about my deepest-seated life history have revealed some connections and feelings that go far back into my early childhood. A characteristic feeling I've come to remember was that of attraction to reptilian, dinosaur, and dragon based figures in lore, entertainment, video games, and books. I didn't think much of it as a child feeling those feelings but looking back it would seem they meant something. The desire to have my own friend Falcor after watching NeverEnding Story over and over again at age seven. The keen wanting to befriend and hug Bowser when playing Super Mario 64 at age ten. The dragons in various books I read as a child. They all felt like creatures I wanted in my life in one fashion or another; in kind of a deep-seated intangible-but-important way. These experiences and plenty more were there as markers to sit in my memory until a time when I might interpret and make sense of them. Perhaps I always will come late to interpretation of experiences. On a quick side-note, I noticed all the signs of being gay as I grew up but made no attempt to understand or interpret them until age seventeen. A very difficult self-searching journey began in which I accumulated all of those thoughts and finally it dawned on me "oh? I'm gay? That's why I enjoyed seeing firefighters in uniform and attractive construction workers and policemen? Who'd have thought what those warm fuzzy feelings of wanting hugs and affection from those people meant?" I suppose to most people the feelings had obvious meanings but for my brain perhaps I'm sufficiently dense to dodge all those hits until some pivotal trip and fall into them.
Leading up to the present time, I'm continuing to develop myself, work on my life and spirit, and develop what so far seems to be my fursona. New employment, moving to a new house, and major changes in my life may catalyze some very important developments and hopefully I feel as much penmanship as just now and can write about it. Until then, may this be an interesting read for those who felt it wasn't too TLDR.
- W1ngs
Off to a slow start I am, I suppose, but there's no harm in taking it easy. My introduction to the furry world has been perhaps an odd entry point compared to some, maybe normal for others. It started with my best friend getting into the local furry scene and me tagging along from time to time over the period of a few years. I started to feel like there was something there for me and so hung around more and more. My interests overlaid very nicely with those of many of the other furries I met. Peculiarities of my childhood bore an uncanny resonance with the ethos of the environment in which I found myself. I should point out that not everything resonated, nor does it at present, likely due to my relative particularity and care to discern what really interests me from what is taken on because everyone's doing it. I could write at length about my observation of certain furries appropriating ideals with which they don't sincerely feel connected... but I shall leave that for another time.
In becoming more connected with the community I felt interested but displaced as I didn't have any reason to assume I would make a good furry. Growing up I didn't feel directly imbued with the animal spirit so many in the gatherings spoke of. I felt it was perhaps inappropriate to assume a fursona if it didn't necessarily mean anything special to me. This is where the slow-start comes in and honestly it's down to how I think my way through things. With time and with new friendships budding I discovered new ways of looking at how furry might mean something to me; whether innate or representative of my self and life in a symbolic way. To me it appears that the symbolism and reference are more on point than to say that I have an innate animal spirit but that remains to be seen. Meditations and learning to understand more about my deepest-seated life history have revealed some connections and feelings that go far back into my early childhood. A characteristic feeling I've come to remember was that of attraction to reptilian, dinosaur, and dragon based figures in lore, entertainment, video games, and books. I didn't think much of it as a child feeling those feelings but looking back it would seem they meant something. The desire to have my own friend Falcor after watching NeverEnding Story over and over again at age seven. The keen wanting to befriend and hug Bowser when playing Super Mario 64 at age ten. The dragons in various books I read as a child. They all felt like creatures I wanted in my life in one fashion or another; in kind of a deep-seated intangible-but-important way. These experiences and plenty more were there as markers to sit in my memory until a time when I might interpret and make sense of them. Perhaps I always will come late to interpretation of experiences. On a quick side-note, I noticed all the signs of being gay as I grew up but made no attempt to understand or interpret them until age seventeen. A very difficult self-searching journey began in which I accumulated all of those thoughts and finally it dawned on me "oh? I'm gay? That's why I enjoyed seeing firefighters in uniform and attractive construction workers and policemen? Who'd have thought what those warm fuzzy feelings of wanting hugs and affection from those people meant?" I suppose to most people the feelings had obvious meanings but for my brain perhaps I'm sufficiently dense to dodge all those hits until some pivotal trip and fall into them.
Leading up to the present time, I'm continuing to develop myself, work on my life and spirit, and develop what so far seems to be my fursona. New employment, moving to a new house, and major changes in my life may catalyze some very important developments and hopefully I feel as much penmanship as just now and can write about it. Until then, may this be an interesting read for those who felt it wasn't too TLDR.
- W1ngs
GabaGabu
~gabagabu
You write more elegantly than most.
w1ngs
~w1ngs
OP
*squeak*
