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Fearing change, changing fear
8 years ago
(Decided to cross-post this from my other account, since really here is where it's more relevant
On August 19, I did something I've never done before in my entire life. And to say it was nerve-wracking isn't to exaggerate.
I decided to change my fursona.
More precisely, I decided that Windrunner, the wolf, wasn't really who I wanted to be so much anymore, and it was time to leave the forest and enter the plains as Reiver, the horse.
It was terrifying decision to make publicly, given that only a few of my friends even knew I had a horse character, but I was tired of stressing about what I felt was a change already in progress.
[Dramatic paws-turned-hooves for effect]
My horse fursona is only a few years old; my wolf side, as old as my presence on the Internet (FYI: 3 years versus 20.) My stallion self is very much my adult desires let loose in every way, whereas the lupine is mainly a beautiful, noble, yet tame, fursuiter.
Reiver was only ever meant to be a character that I could use as an outlet for my imagination in stories and art... But my imagination is vast and while I love my wolf self, as the equine my mind has felt like it's started to run free. Free of the past, in some ways, but also free to joke around or tease or play in ways I never would before. No longer coming across as tough predator, but not being necessarily passive prey either - enjoying the chase, as well as the (usually inevitable) outcome. In essence, just letting me have more fun in ways that matter to me.
I've had a number of people (who know me IRL) compliment me on my decision, saying they think I'll make a great horse. I'd like to think they are right. The wolf will always be a part of me; I will never forget what I was. But life has decided it's time to decide, and my mind and my heart have told me how to get there:
Take the terrifying, frightening prospect of change and turn it to your advantage. Instead of staying forever in the dark, hiding from the hunters, use the fear to try and outrun them to a glorious future. Succeed or fail, I gain nothing by not trying.
My hooves are already pounding across the plains of the present.
Join me or chase me - I'll be a stallion standing tall either way.
On August 19, I did something I've never done before in my entire life. And to say it was nerve-wracking isn't to exaggerate.
I decided to change my fursona.
More precisely, I decided that Windrunner, the wolf, wasn't really who I wanted to be so much anymore, and it was time to leave the forest and enter the plains as Reiver, the horse.
It was terrifying decision to make publicly, given that only a few of my friends even knew I had a horse character, but I was tired of stressing about what I felt was a change already in progress.
[Dramatic paws-turned-hooves for effect]
My horse fursona is only a few years old; my wolf side, as old as my presence on the Internet (FYI: 3 years versus 20.) My stallion self is very much my adult desires let loose in every way, whereas the lupine is mainly a beautiful, noble, yet tame, fursuiter.
Reiver was only ever meant to be a character that I could use as an outlet for my imagination in stories and art... But my imagination is vast and while I love my wolf self, as the equine my mind has felt like it's started to run free. Free of the past, in some ways, but also free to joke around or tease or play in ways I never would before. No longer coming across as tough predator, but not being necessarily passive prey either - enjoying the chase, as well as the (usually inevitable) outcome. In essence, just letting me have more fun in ways that matter to me.
I've had a number of people (who know me IRL) compliment me on my decision, saying they think I'll make a great horse. I'd like to think they are right. The wolf will always be a part of me; I will never forget what I was. But life has decided it's time to decide, and my mind and my heart have told me how to get there:
Take the terrifying, frightening prospect of change and turn it to your advantage. Instead of staying forever in the dark, hiding from the hunters, use the fear to try and outrun them to a glorious future. Succeed or fail, I gain nothing by not trying.
My hooves are already pounding across the plains of the present.
Join me or chase me - I'll be a stallion standing tall either way.
The exploration of something new is always exciting, if someone daunting, but thank you for the complement. Going to be fun XD
Curious though, what are your plans for your wolfy side? Just going to keep it on the side?
Windrunner will definitely still be around at conventions and events, for sure. I'm not giving up suiting any time. ^.^ But similar to Okwaho/Nemesis, Reiver is just taking lead as my primary 'sona. Until I have a fursuit for him, though, it'll mainly be in art and stories for the time being.
Anyways, my point is this: You are you, no matter what side you show to the world. You are a good person and I would call you friend no matter what character you have, be it wolf, horse, snail, whatever.
*hugs*
TBH, I have been finding this a better fit with where I am right now in life overall, so I think the timing was suitable.