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Life is Short, Cancer sucks.
8 years ago
For those of you that still semi-sorta kinda like me, and who keep up with stuff that goes on; Hi, I'm still here for the most part. There's not a whole lot to report; I finally got fed up at the Y I was working at and transferred to our secondary location downtown. It's not even HALF as busy as the other one was, but I'm not complaining. I am no longer so stressed out that I wanna cry and rip all of my hair out, and I don't dread getting up and going to work. Now I'm just bored out of my mind, and there are only so many times one can clean a room, but I'll take it over so stressed I can't think straight.
Maybe I'll have the guts to move on to something even better someday, at least paycheck wise.
Baby steps.
I am stressed out still, but for other reasons and not work-related ones.
Pops' cancer is back.
He was officially in remission three months ago, but now..... He'd been having quite a bit of pain after he had finished up with his chemo, but the docs all thought that it was just residual effects and all of his scans/tests/whatnot had come back just fine. He went in last week because the pain had gotten to excruciating levels, and that's when they found it.
It's terminal this time. They gave him 6-9 months, though his Oncologist won't be set on anything until they do more tests and biopsy's to see if maybe it's not what they're thinking. I pray to GOD that it's not the end, but I'm also afraid to get my hopes up too much. It's just....not fair, at all. He's the best thing that's ever happened to my mom, and she was finally, finally, happy, and now.....
I don't even know how or what to think right now. My brain has so much going on in it that I can't even think straight, and it's slowly driving me insane. I haven't even really had a chance to just sit and process everything.....and I know my mom hasn't either. There are so many things I could do that could occupy my mind a bit, but I can't even begin to try and do them. He's already started talking about the, 'When I'm gone...' shit and I just.....I can't handle it. We went through this with my great grandma 5 years ago, and with her it was so soon and so fast, but I don't think I'm strong enough to go through it again. I don't know if I can handle watching him waste away to nothing and just.....
I don't know.
We just can't catch a break.
I wonder what it would be like to live a normal person's life, for just one day. I really do wanna know what it's like to not have to worry about anything......like how the bills are going to get paid, where the groceries are going to come from in a week, how are we going to cope after he's gone, if we're going to lose touch with that side of the family after, how his four year old son is going to be, how his two grandchildren are going to be....how my mom's going to be a widow before she's 50.
What did we do? I don't get it.
Yeah.
I've had a headache for a week now.
Anyways, my aunt set up a GoFundMe for some extra help. If you can help, awesome. If you can't, awesome.
www.gofundme.com/4g9hy14
I'm going to try and be around, but I can't promise anything.
Maybe I'll have the guts to move on to something even better someday, at least paycheck wise.
Baby steps.
I am stressed out still, but for other reasons and not work-related ones.
Pops' cancer is back.
He was officially in remission three months ago, but now..... He'd been having quite a bit of pain after he had finished up with his chemo, but the docs all thought that it was just residual effects and all of his scans/tests/whatnot had come back just fine. He went in last week because the pain had gotten to excruciating levels, and that's when they found it.
It's terminal this time. They gave him 6-9 months, though his Oncologist won't be set on anything until they do more tests and biopsy's to see if maybe it's not what they're thinking. I pray to GOD that it's not the end, but I'm also afraid to get my hopes up too much. It's just....not fair, at all. He's the best thing that's ever happened to my mom, and she was finally, finally, happy, and now.....
I don't even know how or what to think right now. My brain has so much going on in it that I can't even think straight, and it's slowly driving me insane. I haven't even really had a chance to just sit and process everything.....and I know my mom hasn't either. There are so many things I could do that could occupy my mind a bit, but I can't even begin to try and do them. He's already started talking about the, 'When I'm gone...' shit and I just.....I can't handle it. We went through this with my great grandma 5 years ago, and with her it was so soon and so fast, but I don't think I'm strong enough to go through it again. I don't know if I can handle watching him waste away to nothing and just.....
I don't know.
We just can't catch a break.
I wonder what it would be like to live a normal person's life, for just one day. I really do wanna know what it's like to not have to worry about anything......like how the bills are going to get paid, where the groceries are going to come from in a week, how are we going to cope after he's gone, if we're going to lose touch with that side of the family after, how his four year old son is going to be, how his two grandchildren are going to be....how my mom's going to be a widow before she's 50.
What did we do? I don't get it.
Yeah.
I've had a headache for a week now.
Anyways, my aunt set up a GoFundMe for some extra help. If you can help, awesome. If you can't, awesome.
www.gofundme.com/4g9hy14
I'm going to try and be around, but I can't promise anything.
