So last night I was doing pretty okay I was feeling a bit sick and tired but that went away pretty quickly. At around 1 in the morning I suddenly start to feel like shit again and I feel really depressed about everything. So I went out for a walk in the rain to smoke and suddenly just popping into my head my brain goes "you should totally go kill yourself" which caught me off guard and made me feel even more uneasy. After having wandered for a bit with my thoughts just getting stronger and stronger I decided to call the police on myself as I was starting to fear for my own safety. The operator was really nice and talked to me while they dispatched a patrol to my neighbourhood to talk to me. When they arrived we sat down in the police car and talked alittle about what I could do. Eventually we decided that they would drive me into St:Görans mental ward. After having a brief chat with my mother off we went. When we got there I was met by a really kind and lovely nurse that helped me to see a doctor. The doctor and I decided that I would spend the night to be on the safe side of things and so I did. And during the morning I got to see another doctor and talk alittle about my crossdressing habit and my ab/dl side. He was really kind and understanding and we then came to the conclusion that I was okay to go home again.


Now all this happend in the space of about 10 hours. What really scares me is how the thoughts came literally from nowhere. There was nothing that triggered them that evening and they just appeared.

Anyway I feel much better now after having gotten some rest and some medication ^-^