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Update on the Severe Depression
8 years ago
Depression's been sticking around. Went to a therapist over it because of how bad it was getting and was told the feeling of worthlessness and downhill moods I've been having are not clinical (the kind where the brain requires chemical-shifting mood meds) but a depression with a direct cause and a fix I can do, myself.
The cause is I've taken on way too many art responsibilities at once (and the car accident I was in last summer plus the surgeries backing all my projects up) coupled with trying to do everything at once became a huge burden on my shoulders and drove me tail-spinning into the pit of despair. In short: I got overwhelmed from owing too many people for too long and had an emotional shutdown.
The fix is getting the art done, focusing on one at a time and not overworking myself. I also need to go out of my way to keep my stress levels down and keep weeding out distractions (which is very hard because I'm in the middle of fall convention season). I should also exercise more, and not be so hard on myself. I'm not instantly better since finishing up Piano Fox and Lila, and still prone to bad anxiety attacks.
Commissions are still going to be closed until I do everything.
If I still owe you, please be patient.
Currently:
Zelig Speardragon - Sketched, inked, colored, shading (almost done)
Shadee Drunkwolf - Sketched, inking
Starwars fox chick - Sketching (planning)
Aura DogPainting - presketched, primed, sketched, (holding off on)
Battle Link - sketched, (holding off on)
Sloth tank - sketched, (holding off on)
Kathy Trees painting - (holding off on)
Game company work - ...
Other game company work - Done
The cause is I've taken on way too many art responsibilities at once (and the car accident I was in last summer plus the surgeries backing all my projects up) coupled with trying to do everything at once became a huge burden on my shoulders and drove me tail-spinning into the pit of despair. In short: I got overwhelmed from owing too many people for too long and had an emotional shutdown.
The fix is getting the art done, focusing on one at a time and not overworking myself. I also need to go out of my way to keep my stress levels down and keep weeding out distractions (which is very hard because I'm in the middle of fall convention season). I should also exercise more, and not be so hard on myself. I'm not instantly better since finishing up Piano Fox and Lila, and still prone to bad anxiety attacks.
Commissions are still going to be closed until I do everything.
If I still owe you, please be patient.
Currently:
Zelig Speardragon - Sketched, inked, colored, shading (almost done)
Shadee Drunkwolf - Sketched, inking
Starwars fox chick - Sketching (planning)
Aura DogPainting - presketched, primed, sketched, (holding off on)
Battle Link - sketched, (holding off on)
Sloth tank - sketched, (holding off on)
Kathy Trees painting - (holding off on)
Game company work - ...
Other game company work - Done
Having an accident and surgeries doesn't help but eventually the body heals itself. I still have anxiety issues but have learned to not let it affect me like it used to.
You've got to take care of yourself first, and do the art for yourself first, then worry about the rest when your mentally well enough off to create.
I also have ptsd and anxiety attacks on top of this latest depression, but that's one) a story for another time, and two) something I can keep under control for the most part. Even if I can't I have measures in place to keep myself from getting worse. Depression's a trickier beast, all of these feelings of the world better off without me and urges to isolate from and avoid everything. Feeling like shit gets in the way of life.
Real problem is some of the art I do is company work. I can't 'do art for myself first, then worry about the rest'. It'd be like saying, "I'm not mentally well enough to go to work today, so I wont show up at work until I do whatever I want to for myself, first.'. Bills need to be paid, pets fed.