I dropped off the face of the world for a month or two there with intermittent art splotches in between. What happened? Where did I go? God, this is very unlike you.

Honestly, I didn't know what happened initially. I didn't know if I was depressed, or fell into a funk, or what. But I did know I was being way too hard on myself, spending all my free time thinking about what I needed to do, getting nothing done, and excessively hating myself. I tried all sorts of remedies. Exercise, eating better, focus, different teas and herbs, crying it out with a therapist, routines, taking a break or five. Discovered that part of the problem was I was focusing so hard on commissions for both individuals and work 24/7 that I would only apply my talents to them and nothing for myself anymore - not anything for myself. Not going out to see friends, playing games, watching shows I liked. Was literally just me and the art, and the art that needed to get done wasn't getting done. I wasn't doing art to funnel my emotions, and those emotions ended up turning in on me and wreaking havoc over my self-esteem and will to live. I didn't only hate myself, I also felt excessive amounts of dread and was basically rendered into this walking anxiety attack. And the only way I kept sane later one (during my journey to fix the problem) was by squeezing in those random inked pics in between stuff, which felt a lot like doing art in a fog.

So... That was stupid of me. Spend the last three weeks unwinding myself forcefully. Spent a whole weekend sitting in one place, reading mangas, and doing art between chapters. Any art. Art my muse wanted to be free to do. And I let it. Expect batches of that sketch fun. I also drew protosketches for multiple commissions as well. I played piano, I played guitar. I watched many movies, and played steam.

Dec 21-25 I set up for doing commissions nonstop. Then my bro came over early for the holiday season and brought with him a wailing, sick, hacking, screaming 1 year old. From Dec 21-30 I got virtually no sleep. My sister is also over, but she's way more understanding that I have work to do.

We can call this time a mental health break.


To be clear, I'm not completely over this dread/anxiety bullshit, however it's now more controlled than it was and I can get back to swashing through the commissions fast-like. This also isn't a physical health issue, like that prob I had last year with the blood clot or getting hit by the car. This is a newer issue to me. Sometimes a commission can slip between the cracks, don't get me wrong. I'm not 100% perfect all the time. But my entire queue not being done is different. And uncool. That makes me a terrible person, not having all of these done by now. Time to fix this prob and ascend back to cloud-status.




Here's my updated queue:



Color - Armored Nargacuga Jackal - Shading
Ink - Too many freaking coons
Basic Color - Impala Cyborg - Shading
Color - Tome Dragon
Big Color - Gradient Wolf In Woods - Sketching
Color - Piper with Phoenix Chicks - Sketching
Color - Skyrim Husky - BaseColoring

Color - Feline with tacos & beer - Base Coloring

Big Color - SlaveParty

Lineless Color - DracoLych (castle ruins)
Basic Comic color - Trinity Blood FanArt
Basic Comic Color - Knight Owl - Base Coloring


Awesome Ink - Ice Dragon
Sketch - Cat Rogue
Sketch - Mimic Beefy Arms - Sketching
Sketch - Wrench Sword Dude
Sketch - Dragon Knight Dude
HUGE Color - Zegn Monster Hunter
Sketch - Wendigo - Sketching
Badass Ink - Nora Barbarian RWBY - Sketching
150 Color - Drow Goblin Talking
Sketch - Deer Centaur Artemios
HUGE Color - God Reading Pronz to Furs
Sketch - Long-haired Sacrifice Chick

Painting - Dog - Painting (still)
Basic Color: RWBY Evil Fanart