I have this fear that one day, I will find myself all alone, banned by people I once considered friends, on a list of “commissioners you need to avoid”, and I will have no one to blame but myself.

I have worked with a lot of artists and writers. While I have gotten along with most of them, a few have of them no longer want to talk with me.

I admit, my behavior can sometimes not be the best. I can make poor decisions due to being compulsive at the time and not thinking about the consequences, making me come off as rude and pushy. This same impulsive behavior has also made me go "I'm low on funds. Better not spend it on any commis- Oh, this great artist is having a stream! $40? No problem!"

I am also not very social. When I get an in-stream commission, I usually leave once it is done.

However, that doesn't mean I am unemphatic or selfish. When people talk to me about my behavior, I feel bad about it. I care about how other people see me. I care about other people in general.

I should note that I have Asperger's Syndrome, which can explain some of my behavior but doesn't excuse it.

I need to think about what I say and not act on impulse.

I'm glad I could get this all off my chest. If you want to offer me some advise, I'll be glad to hear you out.